"Arrr, me hearties! Linda McMahon be dreamin' of sinkin' the Education Ship to Davy Jones' locker!"
2025-03-21
Arrr, mateys! The landlubber scholars be flounderin' with their test scores, and it be plain as a parrot's squawk that the Department of Education be adrift! Trump be gettin' Linda McMahon aboard to scuttle the whole shebang! Avast, what a sight to behold!
Avast ye landlubbers! I be takin' the helm as the Secretary of Education on a most peculiar quest: to sink this ol' ship of a department once and for all! Aye, the good folk of America be hollerin' for their schools to be set free, an' with President Trump at the prow, we be settin' sail fer transformation!Now, I ain't no stranger to the seas of federal agencies; I once captained the Small Business Administration, where we saw small buccaneers multiply like rabbits! But alas, the Education Department be another tale, filled with stagnation and despair since it hoisted its sails in '80. Despite tossin' a treasure chest full o' gold—over a trillion doubloons—test scores be as flat as a dried fish!
Instead of chartin' a course for real solutions, this ship's crew be busy micromanagin' and demandin' more gold without deliverin' results. Many a fine teacher be leavin' the profession due to the heavy anchor of federal oversight. But fear not, for Trump has commanded me to dismantle this bureaucratic galleon and return power to the states and parents!
Our mission be to abolish the Department of Education, bit by bit, like a pirate chippin' away at a treasure chest. Parents shall steer the ship, choosin' schools that teach the basics with excellence! So hoist the sails, me hearties! We be embarkin' on a grand adventure to reclaim the seas of education! Yarrr!