Arrr, David Marcus here! Trump be sailin' back to Philly, bestin' the Democrats like a sea dog! Har har!
2025-03-22
Ahoy, mateys! Columnist David Marcus be settin' sail to Philadelphia, where Cap'n Trump be battlin' at the NCAA wrasslin' championships this Saturday! Let’s hope he don’t get tangled in his own net, or we’ll be laughin' like scallywags at his misfortune! Yarrr!
Arrr matey! The age-old clash o’ titans be upon us, the wrestlers vs. the basketball players, as President Trump sets sail to Pennsylvania fer the NCAA wrestling championship! It be a ruckus fit for the high seas, where the stout-hearted wrestlers be lookin’ like they could crush a cinder block with their bare hands. Aye, I had a hearty laugh with a coach, recalling how we high school lads steered clear of grapplers, lest we find ourselves on the ground, wrestled into submission!Trump be savvy as a cunning sea captain, knowin’ his appearance at this ruckus would earn him thunderous cheers, even in the bluest of cities. Though many in attendance weren’t from Philly, the spirit of Penn State reigned supreme, with loyal fans adornin’ the blue and white. Wrestling be the lifeblood of this land, where it be easier to find a plank to sit upon than a seat at a match! And aye, the folks were keen to share their enthusiasm for the President’s visit, as their pride for their grappling lads shone bright.
In this turbulent sea of politics, the rift between Trump-loving folk and the city dwellers grows ever wider. Like a grand ship divided at sea, will we ever find a way to share grog and tales under the same sails? Perhaps, just perhaps, we can raise a toast to the wrestlers—true champions of hard work and grit—who remind us of the spirit of our day! Yarrr!