The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Arrr, the sea's claimed another! Jessica Aber, 43, met Davy Jones at her Virginia quarters, says the landlubber lawmen!

2025-03-23

Arrr, me hearties! A landlubber attorney, Jessica D. Aber, met Davy Jones in Virginia, just two moons after hangin' up her quill! She sailed the seas of justice from 2021 to 2025, but alas, the grim reaper had other plans. The coppers be lookin' into it, savvy?

Arrr mateys! Gather 'round fer a tale of woe from the landlubber shores of Virginia, where a former United States attorney, the fair Jessica D. Aber, hath met her untimely end, just two moons past her departure from the office.

At the tender age of 43, this lass had been servin' as the chief legal buccaneer for the Eastern District from the year of our Lord 2021 to 2025, appointed by none other than Captain Biden himself. 'Tis a fine ship she captained, but alas, she hoisted her sails and resigned in January, leavin' behind a crew of puzzled scallywags.

On a fateful Saturday morn, as the sun rose o'er the horizon, the port authorities of Alexandria received a call about a lass who was as unresponsive as a barnacle on a ship's hull. The good constables rushed forth, only to find the fair Jessica, lifeless as a shipwreck in a stormy sea.

Now, let it be known, the cause of her demise be shrouded in mystery, stirrin' up a tempest o' questions amongst the landlubbers and buccaneers alike. 'Tis a dark day indeed when a soul of such promise is taken from us, but let us raise a tankard in her memory and hope the winds of fate treat us kinder in the days to come!

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