Arrr! Ex-UFC scallywag Cain Velasquez be walkin' the plank to prison for a ruckus in California!
2025-03-24
Arrr, matey! Cain Velasquez, the fierce gladiator of the octagon, be walkin’ the plank for five long years fer his mischief in a shootin’ spree! He be sayin’ he’ll take his punishment like a true swashbuckler, but I wager he’ll be missin’ the rum!
Ahoy there, me hearties! Gather ‘round fer a tale o’ misfortune from the seven seas of sportin’ mischief! Our erstwhile UFC champion, Cain Velasquez, found himself in a mighty pickle, bein’ sentenced to five years in the brig after a scuffle with a pistol in California—arr!Now, don’t ye fret, fer he be gettin’ 1,283 days of credit fer his time already served, which be a fair chunk o’ time, amountin’ to three years. He be lookin’ at an extra year and a half, by thunder!
With a heart heavy like a treasure chest, Velasquez expressed regret over his fateful decision, sayin’, “I’ll be tryin’ to set a grand example, fer the sake of me family and the good folks of the community.” Aye, a noble sentiment from a shipmate caught in a stormy sea of trouble.
Our bold buccaneer pleaded no contest to charges o’ felony assault and carryin’ a firearm. The premeditated murder charges were tossed like a cannonball into Davy Jones’ locker as part of a deal with the court.
In a wild chase that could rival the finest pirate escapades, Velasquez pursued a scallywag he accused of harm doin’ to his young lad, firing at a pickup truck like a true sea-dog. Alas, it led to a wounded foe and a bitter aftermath.
So remember, mateys, the seas be treacherous, and even the mightiest warriors can find themselves in a tight spot! Yarrr!