Arrr, matey! David Marcus be sayin', "Trump's West Virginia flood fix be all help, no fancy nonsense!" Har har!
2025-03-26
Arrr, me hearties! David Marcus, a landlubber from West Virginia, be claimin’ that Trump’s FEMA be swabbin’ the decks right after the tempest, smooth and sly-like! With nary a cannon blast, they be mendin’ the shipshape! Aye, ‘tis a fine way to keep the waters calm!
Ahoy, mateys! Gather ‘round as I regale ye with a tale o’ woe and triumph from the ye olde land of West Virginia, where a fearsome flood struck on the fifteenth day of February, takin’ two souls and causin’ a ruckus of over 40 million doubloons worth o’ havoc!The new captain, President Trump, be testin’ the waters of disaster response, and lo and behold, things be sailin’ smooth! Unlike the previous scallywags, this crew be focusin’ on aid without preachin’ about fancy morals. Senator Jim Justice, a fine mate from West Virginia, be visitin' the hard-hit town of Welch to lend a hand and show the good folk that their government be takin' action.
With a bounty of federal assistance, from temporary shelters to loans for businesses, the people be feelin’ grateful as they rise from the wreckage. Even the young ones be excited to see Justice and his furry sidekick, Babydog!
Now, there be no tales of angry folk or political squabbles this time, just a fine, well-oiled machine helpin’ those in need, unlike past disasters where distractions abounded. As the good senator said, watchin’ the Democrats flail about be a sight to behold, but the true mission here be helpin’ the people, not chasing phantoms!
If this be the new course for disaster relief under Trump, then the winds of change be favorin’ the good ship America! Yo ho ho!