The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Arrr! Super Bowl matey Matt Stevens has sailed to Davy Jones' locker at 51, sayin' family be choosin’ their words wisely!

2025-03-27

Arrr, before the scallywag Matt Stevens snagged himself a shiny Super Bowl trinket with the New England crew, he be known as one o’ the finest gridiron buccaneers in all of Appalachian State lore! Aye, matey, he danced upon the field like a drunken sailor on shore leave!

Ahoy, me hearties! Gather ‘round as I regale ye with news of a fine matey, Matt Stevens, a former NFL swashbuckler who has sailed to Davy Jones’ locker at the ripe age of 51. T’was on the 20th of March when the grim reaper claimed this beloved son and father, though the cause remains as murky as a pirate’s grog.

Stevens, a proud resident of Durham, North Carolina, made his name on the football field, shining bright like a treasure of gold at Appalachian State. A two-time All-American, he be immortalized in their Hall of Fame, and was snatched up by the Buffalo Bills in the 1996 draft, makin’ his mark with a dazzling six interceptions in 1999 while donning the colors of the Washington crew.

In the fabled year of 2001, he joined the New England Patriots, celebratin’ a Super Bowl victory that marked the dawn of a mighty dynasty. Alas, fate dealt him a cruel hand, for a motorcycle mishap in 2007 left him paralyzed from the waist down, but this brave soul rose again, walkin’ with special braces as if he summoned the very spirits of the sea!

A memorial will be held in Chapel Hill, where family and friends shall pay their respects to a man who lived as grandly as a pirate on the high seas. Fair winds, Matt Stevens! Ye shall be missed! Arrr!

Read the Original Article