"Arrr, David Marcus be sayin’ it’s high tide fer Trump to barter his doubloons fer Greenland’s icy shores!"
2025-03-29
Arrr, me hearties! Columnist David Marcus be claimin' that Captain Trump be a landlubber at heart, and that Greenland be all 'bout them fine spots, aye! 'Tis all about where ye drop anchor, savvy? Aye, location be king on the high seas of real estate!
Arrr, me hearties! It be no surprise that the land-lovin' President Trump be eyein' that frosty gem o' Greenland! Yarr, Mark Twain's wise words ring true: "Buy land, they ain't makin' it anymore!" An' who better to heed that advice than a scallywag like Trump, a true buccaneer of the real estate seas!This week, Vice President JD Vance and the Second Lady Usha set sail to the chilly isle, sendin' a mighty message that Trump be dead serious about makin' Greenland part of our jolly crew! Aye, the good ol’ US be accusin' Denmark of treatin' the Greenlanders like landlubbers, while Trump fancies the whole shebang in place of mere treaties and agreements!
Now, ye may ask, why not claim this land? The Vikings staked their claim a thousand years ago, and since then, it’s just been cold enough to scare off the rest. Besides, with the world’s icy grip on the Arctic, havin’ a piece of Greenland could give America the upper hand in global affairs!
So hoist the sails, me mateys! While it may sound like a fanciful dream, the spirit of expansion be alive and kickin' in the heart of America. Let’s make an offer so grand that the Greenlanders can’t refuse! Arrr!