Arrr, Jurickson Profar be walkin' th' plank fer 80 games fer dabblin' with them devil's potions! Har har har!
2025-03-31
Arrr, matey! After makin' a grand pact with the Braves fer three long years, our scallywag Jurickson Profar be caught with his hand in the rum barrel of PEDs! Now he's walkin' the plank for 80 games—shiver me timbers, talk about a jolly ol' blunder!
Arrr, me hearties! Gather ye round to hear the tale of Jurickson Profar, a scallywag of the Atlanta Braves, who be caught in a tempest of trouble! Aye, this lubber be suspended for 80 games fer dippin’ his hook into the forbidden pot o’ performance-enhancin’ drugs! The shiverin’ swab tested positive for Chorionic Gonadotrophin, a potion that be enhancin’ his prowess on the diamond, but alas, it be against the rules of the great ship MLB!The word from the Commissioner be clear: Profar won’t be sailin' into the postseason, not even a whiff of it, after this long stretch in the brig! The Braves crew be mighty surprised and disappointed, expressin’ their hopes that Jurickson learns his lesson and steers clear of such treacherous waters in the future.
Now, don’t be forgettin’! Profar, the same scallywag who made a splash at the All-Star festivities with a career-high .280 batting average, 24 home runs, and an uncanny knack for gettin’ beaned by pitchers, signed a hefty three-year, $42 million booty with the Braves. Aye, what a fine prize he be, now marooned by his own folly! So raise a tankard to lessons learned and the high seas of baseball, mateys!