The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Arrr! Tiger Woods be trickin’ the landlubbers with a jolly April Fools’ jest: “Aye, ready to swing me cutlass!”

2025-04-01

Arrr, even with more bumps than a ship in a storm, ol' Tiger Woods be sportin' a jolly grin! Aye, he be takin' his aches like a true sea dog, laughin' in the face of pain like a parrot on a treasure chest!

Ahoy mateys! Gather 'round, fer the tale of the cunning Tiger Woods be afoot! This scallywag played a trick on all ye golf-lovin’ landlubbers who be lamentin’ his absence from the Masters. On the fine day of fools, he did send a message causin’ heartbeats to race and dreams to soar, claimin’ he’d be swingin’ clubs at Augusta despite a nasty ruptured Achilles tendon! Arrr, what a jest!

Just weeks past, this brave buccaneer of the green announced he’d undergone “minimally-invasive” surgery, nursin’ his sore limb whilst trainin’ like a true captain. But lo and behold, with a wink and a nod, he declared he’d be ready to strut his stuff on the fabled course, havin’ slept in a hyperbaric chamber and lifted weights like a true sea monster!

But hold yer horses! Just as the cheers began, he dropped the anchor with a hearty, “April Fools!” His Achilles, it seems, is still as knotted as a ship’s rope. Fans, though crushed, did chuckle at his humor, blessin’ him with good-will in the wake of his trickery. So here’s to the pirate of the fairways, may he heal swift and keep entertainin’ us all with his merry antics! Yarrr!

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