The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

“Arrr, matey! A game with but 19% scallywag praise be doomed, like a ship lost in a summer squall!”

2025-04-01

Arrr, matey! Helldivers 2 be sinkin’ faster than a ship with a hole in its hull! Even ol’ Shams Jorjani had to tell Captain Hulst, “Naught we can do in these stormy seas, me hearty!” Yarr, a fine mess indeed!

Avast ye hearties! Gather 'round, for I’ve a tale to spin about the dismal state of “Helldivers 2,” a game that be as lost as a ship adrift in a stormy sea! The scallywags at Arrowhead, led by their fearless captain Shams Jorjani, found themselves in a right pickle, and not the kind ye could feast upon with yer grog!

In a moment of desperation akin to a sailor who’s out of rum, our brave Shams had to parley with none other than the great PlayStation boss, Hermen Hulst. With a heavy heart, he uttered the grim tidings: “There be naught we can do in the short term!” Aye, the words hung in the air like a pirate’s ghost—foreboding, yet comically hopeless!

Imagine, if ye will, a crew of buccaneers trying to sail a ship with holes bigger than a whale’s mouth! The poor game be floundering, struggling to find its sea legs while the captain be scratching his head like a gull on a hot day. So, what’s a pirate to do? Wait, drink, and hope the winds of fortune change course! Yarrr, let’s raise a toast to all lost endeavors, for even the worst of seas can lead to the best of tales! May the next adventure be filled with gold and glory!

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