Arrr! The Justice crew be huntin' for Luigi’s neck, ye scallywag, for takin' down the captain of UnitedHealthcare!
2025-04-02
Arrr, mateys! Attorney General Pam Bondi be sayin’ that them federal sea dogs be huntin’ for the noose for Luigi Mangione, what gunned down ol’ Captain Brian Thompson in front o’ a fancy inn! Aye, ‘twas a dastardly deed, and now Luigi’s in for a rough tide!
Avast, me hearties! Gather 'round as I spin ye a yarn of treachery and villainy upon the high seas of justice! Attorney General Pam Bondi, a fierce lass with the spirit of a tempest, be declarin’ that the scallywag known as Luigi Mangione shall face the hangman’s noose for the dastardly deed he committed against the fair captain of commerce, Brian Thompson! Aye, this be no ordinary tale, for it involves the cruel slayin’ of an innocent man right before the grand gates of a New York inn!“Arrr, Luigi’s foul act be a cold-blooded murder,” Ms. Bondi proclaimed, her voice echoing through the pirate-infested waters of the courtroom. “This be a premeditated assassination that has sent shockwaves across the seven seas!” With a heart as heavy as a cannonball, she be lettin’ it be known that the federal prosecutors, like a pack of ravenous sharks, be sailin’ forth to pursue the death penalty for this miscreant. Aye, Luigi, ye thought ye could escape the Kraken of justice, but it be comin’ for ye, swift and sure!
So, raise yer tankards high and let it be known far and wide—when ye cross the line and bring harm to an innocent, the wrath of the law shall be as relentless as a stormy squall! Fair winds to ye, Ms. Bondi, in this grand pursuit of justice!