Arrr, ye scallywags! Don't ye jeer the MAHA crew! Our health's worth more than them bureaucrat's swelled heads!
2025-04-05
Avast, me hearties! ‘Tis high time we give the ol’ regulatory scallywags a mighty kick in the stern! Out with the barnacle-encrusted brains, and in with fresh mates free of shady dealings! Let’s chart a course for fair seas, not murky waters! Yarrr!
Arrr, me hearties! Gather ‘round and lend yer ears to this tale of calamity on the high seas of healthcare! I couldn’t believe me sea-legs when I saw me matey, Calley Means—nay, a mere swab, but a co-captain of TrueMed—getting the ol’ boo and hissing at the Politico Health Care Summit. Aye, these landlubbers be more fond o' their coin than the truth of American health policy, which be sinkin’ faster than a ship with a hole in its hull!Just a day after the Department of Health and Human Services decided to toss overboard 10,000 of its crew, Calley dared to speak the bitter truth: the FDA be finished, and thank the stars above for that! For decades, these scallywags allowed our food to be filled with treacherous chemicals whilst they sat on their bums! From infant formulas sweeter than a siren's song to food dyes that turn our wee ones into wild beasts, it be a sorry state, mateys!
Calley, brave as a lion, stood tall against the ridicule, claimin’ that the very captains who sank the ship shouldn’t steer the recovery. The MAHA moms—mighty fine women, I tell ye—be demandin' change, not just a patch on a leaky sail. If we be the sickest crew in the fleet, it be high time to overhaul this rustin’ ship of healthcare! So hoist the sails, me hearties, for Calley's truth be worth its weight in doubloons, and if the crowd boos, he’ll be back at the helm quicker than a cannonball!”