The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

"Old champ of the cage be snatchin' a scallywag who smashed into a cottage! Turns out, he be softer than a sea sponge!"

2025-04-05

Arrr! Behold the tale of Henry Cejudo, a fierce sea dog o' the UFC, who held both the flyweight and bantamweight treasures! When a scallywag crashed into his matey's ship—err, home—he leapt forth, thwartin' the knave's dastardly escape like a true buccaneer! Avast, justice sails on!

Avast ye landlubbers! Gather 'round and lend an ear to this rollickin' tale of valor from the shores of Phoenix! A fierce UFC fighter by the name of Henry Cejudo be comin' to the rescue late on a fateful Friday night when a scallywag driver did crash his vessel—nay, car—into a neighbor’s abode like a cannonball from the depths of Davy Jones' locker!

Cejudo, with eyes sharper than a hawk on the hunt, beheld the rogue zoomin' by at a breakneck speed, and with a thunderous boom, the ruckus erupted! Our brave fighter, upon hearin' the commotion, spied the miscreant attemptin' to flee the wreckage, but alas, the villain proved not to be a match for our hero's might!

With a swift intervention, Cejudo and his band of neighbors, armed with courage and a bit of muscle, cornered the dastardly driver. Cejudo, with a smirk as devilish as a cat o' nine tails, lifted and tossed the knave like seaweed in a tempest. "He wasn't that tough," quoth he, as the driver faced charges fit for the gallows: driving under the influence and assault!

Aye, if not for this gallant bear of a fighter, the tale might have turned grim, for the haunt of misfortune could've claimed innocent lives! So raise a tankard to Cejudo, the neighborhood hero, who turned a night of chaos into a jolly good yarn! Arrr!

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