The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Arr, ye scurvy Democrats be tossin' wee ones beneath the school carriage, and here be the tale!

2023-07-21

Arrr, ye scurvy dog, Gov. Josh Shapiro o' Pennsylvania be one o' them Democrats who be puttin' them teachers unions afore the needs o' wee lads 'n lasses, refusin' to support school choice programs. Aye, he be walkin' the plank, he be!

In a humorous tone reminiscent of a 17th-century pirate, the Fox News article discusses the recent events surrounding school choice in Pennsylvania and other states. It begins by introducing Democratic Governor Josh Shapiro, who campaigned on the promise of school choice for disadvantaged children in failing public schools. However, the powerful teachers unions in the state opposed the voucher program and pressured Democrats to vote against it. Despite initially supporting school choice, Shapiro ultimately vetoed the program, leading the article to mockingly suggest that he believes "Black lives don't matter."

The article goes on to highlight similar situations in North Carolina, where Democratic Governor Roy Cooper declared a state of emergency to prevent funding for vouchers, and Arizona, where Democratic Governor Katie Hobbs wants to defund an existing school choice program. It criticizes these governors for prioritizing the demands of teachers unions over the educational needs of minority students.

The article also addresses the issue of charter schools in New York City, which are thriving and oversubscribed due to parental demand. However, Democrats are attempting to impose a cap on charter schools, favoring public schools that often underperform. The article accuses these Democrats of hypocrisy, noting that many of them attended or send their children to private schools.

Throughout the article, the author makes a case for the benefits of school choice, arguing that monopolies are detrimental and competition improves educational outcomes. They also emphasize the economic, civil rights, and national security implications of a failing education system. The article concludes by criticizing politicians who prioritize their own ambitions over the well-being of the nation's children.

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