ARRR, MATEYS! If ye can earn booty by actin' a certain way, ye can bet yer doubloons people be imitatin'!
2023-08-15
Arr! Avast ye, me hearties! The scurvy dogs on the 'Gutfeld!' panel be mighty flabbergasted at the sight o' these recent moving pictures! Large bands o' landlubbers pillagin' shops far 'n wide! Blimey, it be a right spectacle!
Welcome to the most treacherous spectacle on television, me hearties! And I'm not just talking about what's hidden beneath me pirate garb. This be the most honest thing ye'll hear on this infernal box. Last weekend in the land of angels, a band of about 50 scoundrels thought Nordstrom meant "free loot." Aye, the scallywags pillaged the place, making off with a hundred grand's worth of fancy duds. Avast! That ain't the right clip. Blast it all! That be Chicago, not L.A. That's the mob that raided a 7-Eleven. Never thought Nordstrom sold beef jerky, did ye? Roll the right one, ye scurvy dogs! Ah, there we go. In L.A., 50 ruffians... No, that be Philly! That be the time wenches and knaves tore apart a Wawa. Ye blundering fools, ye smoked too much weed at the meeting! Try again. By Davy Jones' locker, that be Nordstrom! Took ye long enough. By now, ye should get the point. That video be so familiar even Hunter Biden be hitting on it. Another mob, another ransacking. But this time, the thieves used bear spray to ward off the security guards. I reckon that bear spray will be locked up now. Thanks to those scallywags, law-abiding citizens won't be able to get the spray they need.Arr, I never saw that one coming, me hearties. Anyway, I saw scenes like this during the Summer of Love in 2020 when thieves discovered their true love be pillaging shops. It be a sight to behold, I tell ye. But why does this organized looting happen so often, ye may ask? We turn to the expert, the one and only Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. She be thinkin' these pirates steal because they be hungry. Arr, they gotta feed their young 'uns and have no doubloons to spare.
But here be the scary part, me hearties. When a mostly white event goes bad, it be a one-time thing. Take Charlottesville, for instance. That be a white affair, as I recall, and it be rightly condemned. But when events with a racial element turn violent, like these looting mobs, they be imitated. Why, ye ask? 'Tis simple. People be imitatin' behavior if it be incentivized and allowed. In Charlottesville, there be no incentive, so it weren't imitated. But during the Floyd riots, there be plenty of incentive, with billions in damages and even a future VP settin' up a bail fund for the looters. And so, it continued. The media and its followers can't deny black folks the right to imitate bad behavior while tellin' them that imitatin' good behavior be sellin' out to the oppressor.
So, ye see, me hearties, we need to expand their choices, their examples of excellence. Blamin' all white folks for the sins of a few means ye miss out on the greatness of individuals. And if ye only see black folks through the lens of oppressor versus oppressed, ye can't imitate their good behavior. Aye, there be injustices, but ye don't let 'em own ye. Use the tools ye've learned and imitate the successful to reach yer own success. And if ye be a looter, I'll smack ye with a carrot the size of a stick!