Arr, me hearties! Be not too fashed 'bout last night's GOP brawl, says this old sea dog, Greg Gutfeld.
2023-08-24
Arrr, me hearties! Fox News' swashbuckler, Greg Gutfeld, be sheddin' light on the treasures ye may have missed from the Republican primary joust, as them GOP scallywags tried t' prove their worth in challengin' the 'absentee in chief' on the mighty "Gutfeld!" - Aye, shiver me timbers!
In this humorous 17th-century pirate-style language, the author shares their perspective on the first Republican presidential debate. They start by jokingly mentioning the chaos in their own bedroom before moving on to discuss the candidates' performances. They humorously highlight the Indian candidate, Vivek, and his impact on the debate, including his teeth and forehead. The author sarcastically comments on the contentious debates provoked by Vivek, quoting various candidates' remarks. They also mock Nikki Haley's complaint about spending and the evolving Republican Party, which they claim has become more inclusive. The author then turns their attention to Ron DeSantis, Tim Scott, and Chris Christie, sharing humorous observations and quoting their remarks during the debate. They joke about Trump's absence and the presence of less prominent candidates like Asa Hutchinson. The author also praises the debate moderators, comparing them to substitute teachers trying to control unruly students. They conclude by questioning whether Vivek is ready for the presidency and joking about their stolen underwear. They assert that Trump remains the frontrunner but warn that his absence may allow voters to become more comfortable with the other candidates. They end with a satirical impersonation of Biden dismissing the debate while doing pilates. Finally, they provide a link to visit Fox News' coverage.