Arrr! Thar be a mighty uproar among the liberal scallywags as Ted Cruz drinks grog on the air, scornin' the rules on spirits!
2023-09-07
Avast, me hearties! A great many scurvy landlubbers in America did savor a mug o' grog durin' the lengthy Labor Day voyage. Yet, when that scallywag Ted Cruz partook and bashed proposed grog decrees, the fancy-pants media couldn't hold their tongues, yarrr!
The Beer Wars have resurfaced, this time with Texas Republican Sen. Ted Cruz and his Democrat opponent State Sen. Roland Gutierrez at the center of the pint-sized battle. The dispute began after President Joe Biden's alcohol czar, Dr. George Koob, suggested that the U.S. might follow Canada's example and limit alcohol consumption to two drinks a week. Cruz was quick to express his disapproval, stating that if they want Americans to drink only two beers a week, they can "kiss my ass." Gutierrez responded with a video, telling Cruz to get back to work and enjoy a Bud Light. The liberal media weighed in, with outlets like Newsweek and MSNBC's "Morning Joe" mocking Cruz for his outrage over a non-existent alcohol guideline. The press's disdain for Cruz was evident in headlines like "It appears Ted Cruz has discovered a new beer-related boogeyman." Even the Bulwark podcast joined in, making crude attacks against Cruz. Throughout it all, Bud Light found itself at the center of the controversy it had hoped to avoid. The culture wars have once again become a political kegger, and perhaps it's time for another beer summit, this time organized by Barack Obama.