Arrr, me hearties! Johnny Depp be patchin’ up his swashbucklin’ career in the fair lands of Europe, after tusslin’ with the Hollywood scallywags and a storm o’ gossip over his tempest with the wicked Amber Heard. Aye, he’s chartin’ new waters, and what a jolly adventure it be!
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Arrr, the gold-laden scallywag and his crew of coin-hungry buccaneers be spoutin' dark words 'bout the vice captain whilst hoistin' the sails for Cap'n Trump! Methinks they be more afraid of the storm than the sea itself! Har har, what a jolly rum-soaked jest!
Arrr, the Trump crew be makin' a rare declaration, scurrying away from a scallywag's foul jest ‘bout Puerto Rico at his raucous shindig! Methinks they be quakin’ in their boots, frettin’ over losin’ precious votes like treasure on the high seas! Yarrr!
Arrr, matey! Kory York, a landlubber trooper, struck a deal with the lawmen, givin’ a nod to misdemeanors like a scallywag! One year on probation fer knockin’ about a fella who just wanted to be on his way after a traffic tussle back in the year of our Lord, 2019!
Arrr! A merry tale from the sea of commerce! An Omnisend scroll be revealin' that the trinkets for Captain Trump be sailin' the high seas of popularity, outpacing those for Lady Harris since she hoisted her colors in the race. Yo ho, the tides be favorin' the bold!
Arrr, matey! Larry Krasner, the grand pirate of Philly’s courts, be settin’ sail with a lawsuit against that scallywag Elon Musk and his Trump-lovin’ crew, claimin’ their treasure tossin’ be naught but an “unlawful lottery.” Aye, what a ruckus on the high seas of justice!
Arrr, Captain Payton be claimin’ he meant no harm in his ship’s score against the Panthers! But lo, when one scallywag grumbled 'bout his orders, ol’ Sean shot a cheeky wink like a crafty sea dog. Aye, 'tis all in good fun on the high seas of football!
Arrr, matey! Gisele Bündchen be with child again, makin’ it her third, this time with the swashbucklin’ jiu-jitsu master, Joaquim Valente! Aye, the seas of parenthood be callin’ once more! Hope the little scallywag knows how to fight before he even be hatched!
Arrr, matey! JD Vance be throwin’ the cutlass at Kamala and her scallywag crew, claimin’ Trump’s shindig at Madison Square Garden be a Nazi hootenanny! Blimey, it be more like a rum-soaked jig than a villain's gala! Avast, let the sails of jest blow strong! 🏴☠️
Arrr, mates! The scallywags from Israel, Egypt, the Yanks, and Qatar be parleyin’, but don’t ye be holdin’ yer breath for a deal 'til the American landlubbers pick their next captain! Aye, 'tis a right merry waitin’ game!
Arrr, matey! The sheriff o' yon Tennessee hamlet be huntin' for a scallywag who donned a stolen guise, pretendin' to be a poor soul in trouble! Aye, his plunderin' be as shady as a three-masted ship in a foggy morn! Avast, what a merry mess!
Avast, matey! What me peepers beheld and me ears did catch at yon Trump rally be naught like what the landlubber scribes be spoutin’! Aye, 'twas a hullabaloo far different from their tales! Arrr, I promise ye, 'tis a jest worthy of Davy Jones himself!
Arrr, the Colts be proclaiming young Anthony Richardson as their captain o’ the ship come Monday! But Coach Steichen be sayin’ to the scallywags, "We be weighin’ anchor on that decision ‘til Week 9!" Aye, a fine bit o' treasure huntin' for a quarterback, it be!
Arrr, me hearties! Word be sailin' that ol' Captain Fincher be settin' his sights on a new Squid Game tale! Aye, prepare yer sea legs for a wild ride o' games and mischief on the high seas o' television! Avast, let the squidly fun commence!
Arrr, be this scallywag's feat destined to sail the annals of time as the finest record in all the speedrun seas? Methinks it’ll be remembered like a treasure map, findin' its way into the hearts of landlubbers and buccaneers alike! Aye, 'tis a question of grand proportions!
Arrr, matey! Michael Gamble, the captain of Mass Effect 5, be spillin' the beans! He be sayin' that Dragon Age: The Veilguard got a whiff o' that Mass Effect charm. Aye, me hearties, let’s hoist the sails and see what treasure lies ahead in this fine gaming voyage!
Arrr, me hearties! The Love Bullet be settin' sail again, a fine omen for fresh manga treasures! So hoist the sails and raise the flag, for more tales of romance be comin' our way, savvy?
Arrr, me hearties! As the good Archbishop Dolan wrapped up his holy shindig at St. Pat's, he urged the scallywags to send up a prayer for the Yankees, ready to swashbuckle in Game 3 of the World Series on the morrow! May the winds be at their backs!
Arrr, matey! The Islamic Republic of Iran be on a right spree, sendin’ dissenters to Davy Jones’ locker! Aye, they be the scourge of the seas, best known fer servin’ up terror like fine rum. Beware, ye scallywags, for the gallows be a-waitin’!
Arrr, matey! The fabled Ryzen 7 9800X3D be settin’ sail on the 7th of November! But lo and behold, its secrets be spillin’—a treasure trove of overclockin’ magic and 3D V-Cache! Avast, prepare ye sails for speed, or ye be walkin’ the plank!
Arrr, me hearties! The squabble ‘bout the Washington Post not throwin’ its hat in the presidential ring might just be a boon fer journalism! As a former press secretary, I be raisin’ me tankard to Bezos’ cheeky choice! Aye, let the ink flow and the tales unfold!
Arrr, matey! Nick Bosa, the burly sea dog o’ the San Francisco 49ers, be throwin’ his anchor with Trump, much to the crew’s dismay! The social media seas be churnin’ like a tempest, with scallywags shoutin’ and a-frothin’! Avast, what a merry hullabaloo it be!
Arrr, matey! In the grand sea o’ politics, Trump be givin' parents the helm while Kamala be shackled to the teacher's crew! The wind be blowin' in Trump’s favor, as many a landlubber’s eyes be opened during the plague! Who knew the unions be fishin' for power? Ha!
Arrr, mateys! Trump be blabbin' 'bout givin' doubloons to those landlubbers tendin' to their kin. “Aye, 'tis time to hoist 'em up!” he cackled. “They be the unsung heroes, always in the shadows!” Even that lass Kamala be tossin' in her two cents fer eldercare! A right merry hullabaloo, I say!
Arrr matey! A fresh poll be showin’ that half o’ the scallywags in the land reckon ol' Trump be a fascist, even some of his own crew! Meanwhile, only a scant 23 percent say the same o’ our dear Vice President Harris. And blow me down, Trump be sayin’ Hitler did a few "good deeds!" Aye, what a hullabaloo!