The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Captains Corner News

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Arrr, Johnny Depp be sayin’ he’s learned from the scallywags o’ the past, holdin’ no grudges, just a hearty laugh!

Arrr, me hearties! Johnny Depp be patchin’ up his swashbucklin’ career in the fair lands of Europe, after tusslin’ with the Hollywood scallywags and a storm o’ gossip over his tempest with the wicked Amber Heard. Aye, he’s chartin’ new waters, and what a jolly adventure it be!

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Arrr! Ukraine be sendin' U.S. cannonballs into the heart o' the bear! Aye, what a jolly ruckus!

Arrr, matey! The coming moons in Ukraine be set to unleash a storm o' violence, makin' this scuffle the fiercest in Europe in near a century! Marc Santora, the brave scribe, spills the beans on this bloody saga. Batten down the hatches, it be a wild ride!

"JD Vance be wooing senators with that scallywag Gaetz, stirrin' the pot with a cabinet choice most foul!"

Arrr, matey! Vice President-elect JD Vance be struttin' ‘round Capitol Hill with that scallywag Matt Gaetz, the former landlubber Trump be wantin' as his legal buccaneer! Aye, what a merry crew to plunder the law, savvy? 'Tis a fine time for mischief on the high seas o’ politics!

Arrr! Staff be frettin’ over MSNBC's fate as Comcast be tossin’ ‘em overboard from the NBCUniversal ship!

Arrr, mateys! On the morn of Wednesday, Comcast be lettin' it be known they'd be castin' off a few NBC treasures, includin' that scallywag MSNBC. Aye, 'tis a grand shake-up for the ol' sea of legacy media, makin' waves like a drunken sailor on shore leave!

Arrr! SJSU lassies' first foe be blind to their trans mate; methinks the match be a ghost ship!

Arrr, matey! The coach o' Louisiana Tech be sayin' he had no inkling o' San Jose State's rumored sea siren in bloomers when they clashed in their season's grand kickoff! Aye, what a merry jest on the high seas of sportin' folly!

Blowin' gales and snowflakes be crashin' our lanterns and blockin' ye paths, matey! Arrr, what a weather be this!

Arrr, the maiden voyage of the “atmospheric river” be a tempestuous beast, savagin’ Northern California and the Pacific Northwest! It tossed ships like toys, and lo, two poor souls met their maker from treacherous timber! Avast, ye landlubbers, best be mindin' yer noggins!

"Ye scallywag from Florida be schemin' to unleash a maritime raid on the treasure trove of New York's coin!"

Arrr, matey! Harun Abdul-Malik Yener be caught in the nets of the F.B.I., a scallywag wishin' to join the rascals of mayhem and unleash chaos! Aye, the complaint be as thick as a treasure map, but this landlubber be in a heap o' trouble, I say!

Arrr, matey! Hal Steinbrenner be feelin’ the fans’ cannon fire fer Juan Soto: “Aye, I’ve got me ears!”

Arrr, with Juan Soto be the treasure every scallywag be seekin' this free agency, ole Hal Steinbrenner of the Yankees feels the heat, like a sunbaked deck, to keep this mighty slugger from sailin' off into the sunset! Avast, ye greedy pirates!

Arrr, Diane Coleman, a fierce wench against death's door, has sailed off to Davy Jones at 71!

Arrr, matey! She be battlin’ for the rights o’ those unable to sail the seas, foundin’ a crew called Not Dead Yet! They raised a ruckus 'gainst Dr. Jack Kevorkian and his deathly schemes, shoutin’, “We ain’t joinin’ Davy Jones just yet!” Aye, humor in the face o’ doom!

Arrr! Meta AI spectacles be shoutin' bonjour, hola, and ciao—like a cheeky parrot in Europe’s taverns, savvy?

Arrr, matey! These fancy Ray-Ban Meta AI spectacles be gettin’ a hearty upgrade, now spoutin’ ye European tongues and lands like a parrot with a thesaurus! Avast, ye’ll be talkin’ like a true swashbuckler in no time—just don’t be askin’ ‘em where the treasure be!

"Arrr, gather 'round, me hearties! This Thursday's scoop: U.S. landmines for Ukraine be comin' aboard!"

Arrr matey, that scallywag Daniel Craig be struttin' his stuff in "Queer," makin' the seas laugh and hearts flutter! With his charms and swashbucklin' flair, he be turnin' the tide o' performance, like a parrot on a treasure chest! Aye, a sight fer sore eyes, fer sure!

Arrr, Vic Flick, the swashbucklin' strummer of Bond's tune, has sailed to Davy Jones' locker at 87!

Arrr! This scallywag be a bustling tune-wrangler, me hearties! He laid down sweet melodies fer the Beatles’ jolly flick, "A Hard Day’s Night," and lent his crafty fingers to many a chart-toppin’ shanty. Aye, a true bard of the high seas of sound!

Arrr! Fox News be spoutin’ tales o’ Trumpy jiggin’ and Tyson-Paul’s rumble ruckus! Avast, what a merry hullabaloo!

Ahoy, me hearties! Strap on yer eye patches and hoist the sails, for here be yer weekly morsel o’ sportin’ shenanigans from all corners of the seven seas! Ye won’t want to miss the ruckus, lest ye end up walkin' the plank of ignorance! Arrr!

Arrr! Star Wars Outlaws be makin’ sneakin’ as easy as findin’ treasure, tossin’ forced stealth overboard, ho!

Arrr, matey! Soon ye'll be blastin' yer way outta any pickle in this vast sea o' adventure! With cannonballs flyin' and cutlasses flashin', ye'll be the terror of the seven seas, shootin' yer way to glory! Avast, prepare fer a ruckus, ye scallywag!

Arrr! The U.S. be the lone scallywag, tossin' a cannonball 'gainst the cease-fire flag for Gaza!

Arrr, matey! The U.S. be throwin' a veto at the grand ol' U.N., whilst Biden's trusty envoy in Lebanon be spoutin' tales of “more progress” on the peace parley 'twixt Israel and them scallywags, Hezbollah. A right fine jest on the high seas of diplomacy, I say!

Arrr, Pope Francis ditches the bling, chooses a wooden box for his bones, buries ‘em outside the Vatican shores!

Arrr, me hearties! Pope Francis be sayin’ he’ll be shufflin’ off this mortal coil in a plain ol’ wooden box, far from the fancy shenanigans of them past popes! Aye, a funeral fit for a humble sailor, not a treasure-laden galleon! He be keepin’ it simple, savvy?

Arrr! Daniel Craig and that scallywag Luca be plottin’ to sail into James Gunn's DC seas with a Sgt. Rock tale!

Arrr, me hearties! It be said that DC's valiant sea dog might be sailin' into James Gunn's magical realm, all thanks to that dapper Daniel Craig and his flamboyant captain, Luca Guadagnino! Hoist the sails and prepare for a jolly good show, ye scallywags!

Arrr, as the bug reports pile like treasure, the dev be sayin’ “We’ve never sailed these stormy seas before!”

Arrr, matey! Stalker 2 be sailin' the rough seas o' its maiden voyage, wobblin' like a tipsy parrot on a barrel! Aye, 'tis a merry sight to see, but fear not, for this buccaneer be findin' her sea legs soon enough!

"Arrr, matey! AF be plunderin’ LAA rivals, outsmartin’ them anticoagulants after a raucous ablation! Har har!"

Arrr, matey! For scallywags with a-fib needing a stout shield from strokes and such after the ol' ablation, the closure o' the left atrial appendage be matchin' the power o' the oral anticoagulation, as shown in a jolly good randomized trial! Savvy?

Arrr, Bryson DeChambeau be watchin’ SpaceX with Cap’n Trump, sayin’, “Never been so fired up, matey!”

Arrr, Bryson DeChambeau be settin’ sail to the SpaceX launch in his beloved Texas, rubbin’ elbows with Captain Trump! On that fine Tuesday, he declared, “I’ve ne’er felt such a spark in me soul!” Aye, inspiration be as high as the sails on a mighty galleon!

Arrr, the scallywag who dared challenge Uganda's captain be back from Davy Jones’ locker, parleyin’ in court!

Arrr, mateys! Kizza Besigye, the scallywag who be givin' ol' President Museveni a run for his doubloons, be poppin' up in a military court on Wednesday! He vanished like a treasure map in Kenya! Aye, the seas be rough for this landlubber!

Arrr! Reddit be sunk, matey! The chatterin' crew be left high and dry without a parley!

Arrr, matey! On the mornin' of Wednesday, Reddit be sinkin' to Davy Jones' locker fer a spell, but fear not! It be bouncin' back like a trusty sea dog. Aye, the crew be back to swappin' tales and treasures! Avast, let the banter flow!

"Three cunning schemes t'help landlubbers unite 'neath the Jolly Roger 'stead o' squabblin' like scallywags!"

Arrr, mateys! This here scroll be from The Conversation, penned by the esteemed Captain Alex Hinton, a learned soul swabbin’ the decks of Rutgers. Can we mend the rift in America’s stormy seas? After a raucous election, 80% be frettin’ like scallywags!

Arrr, Japan be spyin' on China’s cannon-fodder after they blundered into their skies, savvy? Aye, the seas be watchin’!

Arrr, matey! The wise men of Japan be keepin' a weather eye on the great dragon of China, hopin' she don’t be causin' more ruckus in the skies. As for the dragon, she claims that her last tumble into Japanese air was but a clumsy misstep, aye!

"Avast! The scallywags of the FDA be sayin’ to toss Clozapine REMS overboard, savvy?"

Arrr, matey! Two scallywag panels o' the FDA be nearly singin' in harmony: "Unlock the treasure chest! Let not the landlubbers stop the brave souls 'n their clozapine!” Aye, 'tis a jolly good notion fer the mad doctors 'n their patients, says Medscape Medical News!