The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Captains Corner News

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Arrr, matey! Join the swashbucklin' quiz o' news from Foxy News, destined for October the fourth, in the year 2024!

Ahoy mateys! Johnny Depp be donning his swashbucklin’ garb once more! And this fierce father, through tempest and rubble, trekked near 30 leagues to escort his lass to the altar! Can ye prove yer noggin be sharp? Give it a go, ye scallywags! 🏴‍☠️

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Arrr, matey! Troubled by those pesky macOS Sequoia pop-ups? Fear not! Apple’s on the case, but a fix be here!

Arrr, mateys! The scallywags sailin’ on macOS Sequoia be drownin’ in a sea o’ pop-up notifications! Aye, ‘tis like bein’ buried under a mountain o’ treasure chest warnings—no rest for the weary pirate, eh? Hoist yer rum and brace yerselves for this stormy annoyance!

Arrr, the Pentagon be spillin' the beans on whether sky beasties be havin’ a jolly ol’ time on our shores!

Arrr, matey! The fine folk at the Pentagon were quizzed 'bout them space critters and flying contraptions. The spokesman, with a wink, said, "The truth be sailin' out yonder," but then added, "Naught but a pile o' barnacles for proof!" A right merry jest, I say!

Arrr! Sinwar's walkin' the plank from the fray be grand news, matey! A chance for parley, says the State Dept!

Arrr, matey! The State Department be chattin’ 'bout the scallywag Yahya Sinwar’s demise bein' a chance for peace, like findin' buried treasure after a year o' cannon fire! Aye, let’s raise our tankards to a cease-fire, lest we be swabbin' the decks forever!

Arrr! Nevada’s ship o' knowledge won’t scuttle the volleyball duel, even with a mermaid in the midst!

Arrr! The University of Nevada be sayin’ to Fox News, “Nay, we shan’t be givin’ up our next match against a matey of the fairer sort! To do so be a breach of the law o’ the land, savvy?” Aye, let the games commence!

Arrr, matey! Turn yer cherished booty into a jolly tune with a sprinkle o' AI magic, savvy?

Avast, mateys! Suno, the jolly contraption of music makin’, be launchin’ a fanciful feature called Scenes, turnin’ yer pretty pictures into sea shanties! So hoist yer sails and let the tunes flow like rum on a moonlit night! Arrr, let the merry melodies commence!

"Arrr! Court be settin' sail on the hangin', delayin' fate fer the wee shakin' babe case in Texas!"

Arrr, matey! Robert Roberson was bound fer the noose on Thursday night fer the loss of his wee lad, but lo and behold! The landlubber lawmakers snatched a court order from Davy Jones’s locker, delayin’ his salty send-off! A true twist o’ fate on the high seas!

Arrr! Texas treasure hunter be takin' a doc to court fer fixin' young scallywags’ identities! What be next, I wonder?

Arrr, me hearties! Ken Paxton, that scallywag of an attorney general, be shoutin' ‘tis the first time we be swingin' the cutlass under the king’s order against that cursed treatment! Hoist the sails, we be makin' law like true buccaneers!

Arrr! A Texas matey be stoppin' a man’s hangin’ over a wee babe’s tremblin’ woes! What a ruckus!

Arrr matey! A Texas sea-farin' judge be grantin' a stay of execution, savin' the old seadog Robert Roberson from meetin' Davy Jones' locker mere hours before the hangin'. ‘Tis a twist of fate fit for a jolly jest, aye! Avast, the gallows be waitin’ yet!

Arrr, in a jumbled chat, Trump be pointin’ his finger at Zelensky, not the ol’ scallywag Putin, fer the Ukraine fracas!

Arrr! The squabble kicked off when them Russians stormed Ukraine, but that scallywag Donald J. Trump be blabberin’ on a podcast, claimin’ the Ukrainian captain “should’ve hoisted his sails tighter and never let the tempest brew!” Aye, sounds like a right jolly misunderstanding on the high seas!

Arrr, Harris be callin' Trump a scallywag fer sayin' Jan. 6 be a 'Day of Love'! What folly be this?

Arrr, me hearties! While sailin' the winds o' Wisconsin, the Vice President be claimin' her Republican foe be playin' a tricksy game, tryin' to spin a yarn 'bout the ruckus of Jan. 6th! Aye, 'tis like tryin' to swab the deck with a sieve, I say!

Avast, matey! Eddie Munson sails back for a tear-jerkin' farewell, spillin' the beans on the Hellfire Club's tale, arrr!

Arrr, matey! Gather 'round as the curious tale of Stranger Things and Dungeons & Dragons: The Rise of Hellfire be settin' sail, just in time to toast the grand 50th birthday of that fine game! Prepare yer mugs and minds for a jolly good adventure, ye scallywags!

"Arrr, a mere 12-ounce froth be the secret to makin' the NFL more jolly than a treasure chest o' gold!"

Arrr, even the scallywags behind the Guardian Cap be confessin’ it be a sight most comical! But in a game where noggins be takin’ a beatin’, what once be unthinkable now be as common as a parrot on me shoulder! Yarr, how the tides have turned!

Arrr, what be the passing of Yahya Sinwar mean fer the parley o' peace in Gaza, matey? A right ruckus!

Arrr, the fall o' Hamas's captain might let Israel hoist the victory flag and call for a parley. But ye see, with fresh scallywags at the helm, neither crew be likely to change their wild ways right quick! Blimey, it’s a stormy sea ahead!

Arrr, Biden be jawin’ with Netanyahu 'bout Sinwar's demise and seekin' a truce, savvy? A right jolly parley!

Arrr, upon landin' in Berlin fer talkin' with the mates, the captain of the ship declared he be sendin’ the first mate o' diplomacy to the treasure isle of Israel soon. Avast, let the parley begin, me hearties!

Arrr! The PGA captain be sayin’ these gold doubloons be worth it for a fancy Ryder Cup bash at Bethpage Black!

Arrr, matey! The loot fer the Ryder Cup at Bethpage Black be higher than a crow's nest! Fans be fumin' like a cannon, but the PGA be sayin' it's all fair game. Aye, they be plunderin' our doubloons!

Arrr! Coach Tony Bennett be settin' sail fer retirement just 'fore the season's anchor drop! What a scallywag!

Avast ye landlubbers! With but three moons ‘til the Virginia Cavaliers set sail on their season, word be out that Captain Tony Bennett be hangin’ up his hat, come Friday! Aye, the winds o’ change be blowin’, and the crew be ponderin’ who’ll steer the ship next! Arrr!

Arrr, with a serious mug, the Arma 4 scallywag be sayin' "2027," makin' the GTA 6 torment feel like a breeze!

Arrr, whilst the scallywags dream of Elder Scrolls 6, they be turnin' to naught but powder! Their hopes be driftin' away like a ship lost at sea, leavin' 'em as hollow as a treasure chest with nary a doubloon! Avast, mateys, 'tis a sad sight indeed!

"Arrr, me hearties! The cap'n of Hamas be six feet under, takin' his last swim with the fishes!"

Arrr! And lo, a parley with that dapper scallywag, Hugh Grant! Aye, we be chattin’ ‘bout his swashbucklin’ charm and those devilish good looks, while we swig rum and swap tales of treasure and trouble on the high seas! Avast, me hearties!

Ahoy, ye Gungeon scallywags! Give a go at this slick Steam Next Fest demo, if ye dare tempt the bullets!

Arrr, matey! Vividerie be a treasure trove of dastardly delights, a rogue’s slice o' peril that’ll make ye laugh ‘n cry all at once! Aye, it be a jolly good time, punishin' yer patience while temptin' ye with loot aplenty! Set sail on this wild adventure, ye scallywags!

Arrr, after a squall of grumblin’ and a mighty Steam cannonade, Tekken 8 be tossin’ ye five doubloons and vowin’ better!

Arrr, a hearty toast to ye, Bandai Namco! Ye be the fine ship that sails the seas of gaming, makin' our hearts dance like a drunken parrot! May yer treasure chests overflow and yer sails catch fair winds! Hoist the flag, ye legends!

Arrr, Italy be sayin’ no more foreign wee ones! A babe be a treasure, not a trinket!

Arrr, me hearties! In a grand twist o' fate, Italy's Senate be hoistin' the sails o' a new law, makin’ it clear that no landlubber shall seek a surrogate across the seven seas! Aye, 'tis tighter than a ship’s riggin’ since the ancient year of 2004!

"Ahoy! Bob Yerkes, a sturdy swashbuckler of Hollywood, met Davy Jones at 92, battered but unyieldin’!"

Arrr, a scallywag of the silver screen, he be a doppelganger to the heavens! He be pullin' off bone-crackin’ stunts in flicks like “Return of the Jedi” and “Back to the Future." And blow me down, he still be doin' it at the ripe age of 80!

"Arrr! Medtronic be shoutin’ about a battery blunder in yer insulin treasure chests, matey! Keep yer sails full!"

Ahoy, mateys! In a second missive to ye MiniMed 600 and 700 scallywags, the company be warnin’ ye to stash spare batteries and swap 'em quick when the cursed "low battery pump" flag be flyin’. Keep yer ship sailin’ smooth, lest ye be stranded in insulin seas! Arrr!

Arrr! Mitzi Gaynor, the queen of the silver screen shanties, has sailed to Davy Jones at 93! Blimey!

Arrr, matey! She be famed for her rollickin’ role in the 1958 flick “South Pacific,” but her time in Tinseltown be shorter than a seagull's attention span! Soon, she set sail for the bright lights of Las Vegas and the telly! Aye, what a merry twist o' fate!