Arrr, me hearties! Johnny Depp be patchin’ up his swashbucklin’ career in the fair lands of Europe, after tusslin’ with the Hollywood scallywags and a storm o’ gossip over his tempest with the wicked Amber Heard. Aye, he’s chartin’ new waters, and what a jolly adventure it be!
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Arrr, the scallywag let the treasure-laden buccaneer steer his grand $175 million quest! A bold wager, matey, that future landlubbers be lookin' to copy! Aye, it be a right merry way to chase the wind in the ol' political seas!
Arrr, the sea dog of a judge be sayin’ he’ll be takin’ the guilty pleas from three scallywags in exchange for a life o’ hard labor, instead o’ the gallows! A fine trade, I say—better to swab the deck than dance with the fishes!
Arrr, that scallywag Wink Martindale be throwin' shade on the ol' Giants crew, he be! When asked 'bout his future plunderin' in the realm of college coaching, he be smirkin' like a treasure-seeker who found naught but a rusted doubloon! Har har, what a jolly jest!
Arrr, matey! Cleveland’s grand poobah, GM Andrew Berry, did chat about Deshaun Watson's fate after he be takin' a wicked spill! For the first time, he be speakin’ like a landlubber, all wobbly and noncommittal ‘bout that scallywag quarterback! Avast, what a pickle!
Arrr, me hearties! On the morn of Wednesday, brave landlubber firefighters be wrestlin’ with fiery beasts in Ventura and Los Angeles, whilst the winds be blowin’ like a siren’s wail! 'Tis a tempestuous day for fightin' flames, but they be pluckier than a parrot on a treasure chest!
Arrr, matey! After blusterin' and bickerin' fer months, ol' Chancellor Olaf Scholz done tossed one of his crew overboard! Now Europe be facin' rougher seas since the rogue captain Trump took the helm! Avast, what a hullabaloo!
Yarr, matey! Yevgeny Vindman, a sea-farin’ lieutenant colonel, got the boot from the Trump crew fer blowin' the whistle alongside his twin. Aye, they be makin' quite the ruckus in the first impeachment storm, sailin' against the winds of the ol' captain, Donald J. Trump! Ha-ha!
Arrr! The famed Simone Biles, a true legend o' the high seas o' sports, be callin' upon Captain Biden to hoist the sails and take action in his last days, what with Trump’s victory makin' waves! Aye, even in the realm of Instagram, the tide be risin'!
Arrr, matey! When asked 'bout the scallywag Trump nabbin' the crown, our stout defender Nick Bosa did declare, "Nary a regret for donning me MAGA hat!" Aye, 'tis a bold move fer this swashbucklin' 49er, sailin' the seas of politics with a hearty laugh!
Arrr, matey! In his first voyage as captain of the ship called America, that scallywag Trump hoisted the Jolly Roger for Israel, casting aside years o' old sea charts! He be sailin' into uncharted waters, all for the sake of a treasure map marked "Support." Aye, what a swashbucklin' tale!
Arrr, me hearties! The ChatGPT o1 be but a fleeting treasure, unlocked for a blink o' the eye! Like a mermaid's wink, it be here one moment and gone the next! Hoist the sails and seize the chance, lest ye be left with naught but salty sea air!
Arrr, matey! Google Gemini be set to lend a hand, makin' sense o' the chatter in Google Chat, like a trusty parrot squawkin' the highlights! Soon, ye won't be drownin' in words, but sailin' smooth seas o' conversation! Avast, what a boon fer landlubbers!
Ahoy, mateys! Hoist the sails for Version 10 of the AllSides Media Bias Chart! We've added six new treasure maps and polished the ratings of ten ol' news brigands as the 2024 election looms. Join us in this quest to cut through the fog and cast ye informed vote! Yarrr!
Arrr, more than two turns o’ the sun since the great court’s decree sunk the rights to abortin', some scallywags be battlin’ back! But alas, the future o’ them rights be as murky as a sailor's grog—who knows what be comin' next?
Arrr matey! If ye be battlin' with yer printer after the cursed 24H2 update, fret not! Ye be sailin' in a mighty fine fleet o' frustrated buccaneers! Time to hoist the sails and find a fix, lest ye be walkin' the plank o' printer despair!
Arrr, matey! Setting sail with Uncapped Games’ first venture be like plundering the finest treasures of a fierce RTS brawl, with nary a cannonball in sight! Ye be dodging the dull bits and diving straight into the jolly mayhem! Hoist the sails and let the fun commence!
Arrr matey, this be the grandest spectacle o’ all the ballot shenanigans on the high seas o’ democracy! All eyes be squintin’ on it like a treasure map, as landlubbers and sea dogs alike be ponderin’ where the doubloons shall fall! Aye, ’tis a right merry show!
Arrr, Senate scallywag Mitch McConnell be raisin' a tankard o' rum to Captain Trump and his merry crew for plunderin' victory on election night! Aye, they be sailin' the seas of triumph, makin' the whole ship shake with laughter at their fine haul!
Arrr, matey! Historian Allan Lichtman, that scallywag of a prophet, be sayin' Vice President Harris'll seize the White House in 2024! But blow me down, 'tis the second time his crystal ball's been cracked since 1984! Aye, let’s hope he don’t be readin’ the stars with a bottle o' rum!
Arrr, me hearties! As the good folk of America be worryin' 'bout their doubloons shrinkin’, they be settin’ sail to cast their votes. But beware, for Captain Trump’s course be fraught with peril, ready to unleash a storm of inflation once more! Avast, ye scallywags!
Arrr, mateys! At the stroke of four bells, Vice President Kamala Harris be settin' sail from Howard University, as per a scallywag in the know! Ready yer ears for a right jolly speech, or ye might find yerselves walkin' the plank of boredom! Har har har!
Arrr, matey! Thar be landlubbers in both red and blue havens cheerin' for a lass's right to choose! But alas, the tide turned, and the fine ship of triumph beadrift, stranded on the shores of misfortune! Huzzah and hoot, what a jolly mess!
Arrr, matey! In the minds of Netanyahu and his scallywags, they be thinkin' a Trump captain at the helm will let 'em end their squabbles with a treasure map instead of a fight! Aye, 'tis a right merry notion, if ye ask this ol' sea dog!
Arrr, former matey Liz Cheney be givin' a hearty salute to President-elect Donald Trump’s triumphant return in 2024! Aye, she be swabbin’ the deck for Vice President Kamala Harris, but now she’s hoistin’ the Jolly Roger for the other scallywag! What a merry tale o' political piracy!