The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Captains Corner News

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Arrr, Johnny Depp be sayin’ he’s learned from the scallywags o’ the past, holdin’ no grudges, just a hearty laugh!

Arrr, me hearties! Johnny Depp be patchin’ up his swashbucklin’ career in the fair lands of Europe, after tusslin’ with the Hollywood scallywags and a storm o’ gossip over his tempest with the wicked Amber Heard. Aye, he’s chartin’ new waters, and what a jolly adventure it be!

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Arrr, Trump’s grand triumph be a bountiful treasure fer Musk and the scallywags of gold in politics!

Arrr, the scallywag let the treasure-laden buccaneer steer his grand $175 million quest! A bold wager, matey, that future landlubbers be lookin' to copy! Aye, it be a right merry way to chase the wind in the ol' political seas!

"Arrr! Judge be sayin' plea deals fer them 9/11 scallywags be as valid as a parrot’s squawk!"

Arrr, the sea dog of a judge be sayin’ he’ll be takin’ the guilty pleas from three scallywags in exchange for a life o’ hard labor, instead o’ the gallows! A fine trade, I say—better to swab the deck than dance with the fishes!

Arrr, the former captain Wink Martindale be throwin’ shade on his crew as they flounder like fish outta water!

Arrr, that scallywag Wink Martindale be throwin' shade on the ol' Giants crew, he be! When asked 'bout his future plunderin' in the realm of college coaching, he be smirkin' like a treasure-seeker who found naught but a rusted doubloon! Har har, what a jolly jest!

Arrr, the Brown's chief be as wishy-washy as a ship in a storm: "Aye, anything be possible, matey!"

Arrr, matey! Cleveland’s grand poobah, GM Andrew Berry, did chat about Deshaun Watson's fate after he be takin' a wicked spill! For the first time, he be speakin’ like a landlubber, all wobbly and noncommittal ‘bout that scallywag quarterback! Avast, what a pickle!

Arrr! A swift blaze be scorchin’ homes in California, settin’ landlubbers a-scamperin’ like cockroaches in the night!

Arrr, me hearties! On the morn of Wednesday, brave landlubber firefighters be wrestlin’ with fiery beasts in Ventura and Los Angeles, whilst the winds be blowin’ like a siren’s wail! 'Tis a tempestuous day for fightin' flames, but they be pluckier than a parrot on a treasure chest!

Arrr! Germany's crew be flounderin’, their ship o' government near sinkin’! A right merry mess, that be!

Arrr, matey! After blusterin' and bickerin' fer months, ol' Chancellor Olaf Scholz done tossed one of his crew overboard! Now Europe be facin' rougher seas since the rogue captain Trump took the helm! Avast, what a hullabaloo!

"Arrr, Vindman be claimin' the House in Virginia, keepin' the Democrats' treasure chest well-stashed, savvy?"

Yarr, matey! Yevgeny Vindman, a sea-farin’ lieutenant colonel, got the boot from the Trump crew fer blowin' the whistle alongside his twin. Aye, they be makin' quite the ruckus in the first impeachment storm, sailin' against the winds of the ol' captain, Donald J. Trump! Ha-ha!

Arrr! Simone Biles be askin' Biden to stir the pot afore he sails away, after Trump bests that scallywag Harris!

Arrr! The famed Simone Biles, a true legend o' the high seas o' sports, be callin' upon Captain Biden to hoist the sails and take action in his last days, what with Trump’s victory makin' waves! Aye, even in the realm of Instagram, the tide be risin'!

Arrr, Nick Bosa be sportin’ his MAGA cap, sayin’ the crew's vote be loud ‘n clear, no regrets, matey!

Arrr, matey! When asked 'bout the scallywag Trump nabbin' the crown, our stout defender Nick Bosa did declare, "Nary a regret for donning me MAGA hat!" Aye, 'tis a bold move fer this swashbucklin' 49er, sailin' the seas of politics with a hearty laugh!

Arrr, matey! What be Trump’s ways with Israel in his first voyage as captain of the good ship White House?

Arrr, matey! In his first voyage as captain of the ship called America, that scallywag Trump hoisted the Jolly Roger for Israel, casting aside years o' old sea charts! He be sailin' into uncharted waters, all for the sake of a treasure map marked "Support." Aye, what a swashbucklin' tale!

Arrr! ChatGPT o1 be slippin' the bonds o' preview like a slippery eel on a ship's deck!

Arrr, me hearties! The ChatGPT o1 be but a fleeting treasure, unlocked for a blink o' the eye! Like a mermaid's wink, it be here one moment and gone the next! Hoist the sails and seize the chance, lest ye be left with naught but salty sea air!

Arrr! Gemini be takin' yer chattin' and turnin' it into a shiny treasure map of words, savvy?

Arrr, matey! Google Gemini be set to lend a hand, makin' sense o' the chatter in Google Chat, like a trusty parrot squawkin' the highlights! Soon, ye won't be drownin' in words, but sailin' smooth seas o' conversation! Avast, what a boon fer landlubbers!

"Avast ye! A fresh treasure map of media swindlers be here, the 10th version fer the 2024 scallywag showdown!"

Ahoy, mateys! Hoist the sails for Version 10 of the AllSides Media Bias Chart! We've added six new treasure maps and polished the ratings of ten ol' news brigands as the 2024 election looms. Join us in this quest to cut through the fog and cast ye informed vote! Yarrr!

Arrr, matey! If Trump sails back, the abortion treasure map may be lost to Davy Jones’ locker!

Arrr, more than two turns o’ the sun since the great court’s decree sunk the rights to abortin', some scallywags be battlin’ back! But alas, the future o’ them rights be as murky as a sailor's grog—who knows what be comin' next?

Arrr! The cursed Windows 11 24H2 be sinkin’ ships, breakin’ printers on those fancy Copilot+ vessels! Blimey!

Arrr matey! If ye be battlin' with yer printer after the cursed 24H2 update, fret not! Ye be sailin' in a mighty fine fleet o' frustrated buccaneers! Time to hoist the sails and find a fix, lest ye be walkin' the plank o' printer despair!

Arrr, matey! Battle Aces be a jolly RTS that dares where StarCraft quakes—giant robot crabs be the treasure!

Arrr, matey! Setting sail with Uncapped Games’ first venture be like plundering the finest treasures of a fierce RTS brawl, with nary a cannonball in sight! Ye be dodging the dull bits and diving straight into the jolly mayhem! Hoist the sails and let the fun commence!

Arrr! Ohio's landlubbers tossed aside the scallywag's plan to rig the maps, keepin' fair winds in their elections!

Arrr matey, this be the grandest spectacle o’ all the ballot shenanigans on the high seas o’ democracy! All eyes be squintin’ on it like a treasure map, as landlubbers and sea dogs alike be ponderin’ where the doubloons shall fall! Aye, ’tis a right merry show!

Arrr, Mitch McConnell be singin' Trump’s praises like a sea shanty: "Aye, this ship be sailin’ smoother this time!"

Arrr, Senate scallywag Mitch McConnell be raisin' a tankard o' rum to Captain Trump and his merry crew for plunderin' victory on election night! Aye, they be sailin' the seas of triumph, makin' the whole ship shake with laughter at their fine haul!

Arrr, a savvy seafarer of history be missin' the mark, as Trump sails to victory in 2024! Blimey!

Arrr, matey! Historian Allan Lichtman, that scallywag of a prophet, be sayin' Vice President Harris'll seize the White House in 2024! But blow me down, 'tis the second time his crystal ball's been cracked since 1984! Aye, let’s hope he don’t be readin’ the stars with a bottle o' rum!

Arrr, matey! Trump’s treasure map might just sink our gold, say the wise sea dogs of economics!

Arrr, me hearties! As the good folk of America be worryin' 'bout their doubloons shrinkin’, they be settin’ sail to cast their votes. But beware, for Captain Trump’s course be fraught with peril, ready to unleash a storm of inflation once more! Avast, ye scallywags!

Arrr, Kamala be tossin’ in the towel, lettin' Captain Trump sail off with the booty! What a jolly jest!

Arrr, mateys! At the stroke of four bells, Vice President Kamala Harris be settin' sail from Howard University, as per a scallywag in the know! Ready yer ears for a right jolly speech, or ye might find yerselves walkin' the plank of boredom! Har har har!

"Yarr, seven outta ten ports be sayin’ aye to keepin’ the lassies in charge of their own hulls!"

Arrr, matey! Thar be landlubbers in both red and blue havens cheerin' for a lass's right to choose! But alas, the tide turned, and the fine ship of triumph beadrift, stranded on the shores of misfortune! Huzzah and hoot, what a jolly mess!

"Israeli mates hoist a flag for Trump’s win, though the scallywag be as fickle as a tempest at sea!"

Arrr, matey! In the minds of Netanyahu and his scallywags, they be thinkin' a Trump captain at the helm will let 'em end their squabbles with a treasure map instead of a fight! Aye, 'tis a right merry notion, if ye ask this ol' sea dog!

Arrr! Liz Cheney be sayin', "Avast! We got a new captain at the helm – Trump be the President-elect!"

Arrr, former matey Liz Cheney be givin' a hearty salute to President-elect Donald Trump’s triumphant return in 2024! Aye, she be swabbin’ the deck for Vice President Kamala Harris, but now she’s hoistin’ the Jolly Roger for the other scallywag! What a merry tale o' political piracy!