Arrr, me hearties! Johnny Depp be patchin’ up his swashbucklin’ career in the fair lands of Europe, after tusslin’ with the Hollywood scallywags and a storm o’ gossip over his tempest with the wicked Amber Heard. Aye, he’s chartin’ new waters, and what a jolly adventure it be!
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Arrr, the Biden crew be wishin’ to spend every doubloon from the Chips and Science treasure chest 'fore that scallywag Trump sets sail to the White House! Commerce Captain Gina Raimondo spilled the beans in a jolly chat this week, sayin’ they be in a mighty rush!
Arrr, the kin o' Halyna Hutchins be choosin' to give the "Rust" premiere the cold shoulder, three years after the grim fate that sent the lass to Davy Jones' locker! Aye, 'tis a fine way to show 'em they be walkin' the plank! Har har!
Arrr, matey! Christian Pulisic, the swashbucklin’ soccer lad, be catchin’ flak on Wednesday fer dancin’ like a landlubber inspired by the President-elect, Donald Trump, after nettin’ a goal! Aye, what a jestin’ sight—a pirate’s jig be more fit fer the occasion!
Arrr, gather 'round, ye scallywags! On the fine day of Wednesday, a landlubber judge deemed young Jose Ibarra not guilty of sendin' the lass Laken Riley to Davy Jones' locker at the University o' Georgia. Seems the tides be favorin' the lad this time! Avast, what a turn o' events!
"Hoist yer sails an' fire up them ol' engines, me hearties! Prepare to set sail on this fine sea o' mischief, where we be plunderin' more than just treasure! Avast, let the rum flow and the laughter roll as we chart a course for adventure!"
Arrr, mateys! Our beloved Xbox contraption be sportin’ its maiden treasure trove o’ discounts on the Amazon seas, and shiver me timbers, it ain’t even Black Friday! Hoist the sails and grab yer gold, for this bounty won't last long!
Arrr, matey! That magical PET contraption, armed with an antibody like a treasure map, be spyin' on the sneaky clear cell renal cancer! 'Tis a fine trick to avoid cuttin' and pokin' when we don’t need to! Avast, let’s save our sails for better ventures!
Arrr, Kai Trump be spillin' the beans to her shipmates on YouTube 'bout her grandpappy, Captain Donald! She shared his jolly ol' voicemails in her latest golf caper—aye, that scallywag's got tales to tell! Avast, who knew the old sea dog was so chatty? Ha-ha!
Avast, me hearties! Soon, the Fortnite Crew be bestowin' upon ye the treasures of Lego, melodious tunes, and the fabled OG Passes, all alongside yer usual booty! Hoist the sails and prepare for a jolly good time, or ye might find yerself walkin' the plank! Arrr!
Arrr, matey! Snaggin' the Doki Doki garb in Destiny 2 be no grand quest, but I hope ye've stashed away some Bright Dust for yer plunder! Otherwise, ye'll be walkin' the plank in rags, savvy?
Arrr, matey! Governor Abbott be givin’ the federal wind a hearty shove, lettin’ it be known that Texas be expectin’ to run the border like a ship on calm seas, now that ol’ Trump be settin’ sail! Aye, a right merry time for the Lone Star crew!
Arrr, 'fore that scallywag Trump sets sail in the captain's chair, the West be shoutin' at Iran like a parrot with a sore throat! They be demandin' the landlubbers spill the beans 'bout their sneaky nuclear doings, past and present, lest they walk the plank of distrust!
Arrr, matey! Pope Francis be sailin’ the seas of humility, makin’ his mark like a hearty parrot on me shoulder! New burial rules be yet another treasure in his chest o’ legacy. Aye, he’s a jolly captain of the holy ship, ain’t he?
Avast, me hearties! Keep yer eyes peeled for the latest treasure in the realm of magical machines! Discover the trials and treasures that these clever contraptions bring to our salty seas. Yarr, don’t be a landlubber—join the quest for knowledge, or ye might walk the plank o’ ignorance!
Avast, mateys! President-elect Trump be gatherin’ a crew o’ scallywags ready to clash with the mighty China! But lo and behold, he’s also got some landlubbers like Elon Musk, who be makin’ gold there! What a merry band o’ misfits, ready to sail the stormy seas o’ commerce! Arr!
Arrr, matey! Michael Learns to Rock be dreamin' of treasure in the wild west o' Denmark! But for thirty long years, they've found a loyal crew on the far side of the globe, singin' shanties and raisin' a ruckus! Aye, true fame be a fickle sea!
Arrr, matey! Myles Garrett, that scallywag of the Cleveland crew, be stirrin' the cauldron with jests 'bout T.J. Watt, the Steel City swashbuckler, and the shiny prize of the 2023 Defensive Player o' the Year! Shiver me timbers, 'tis a right merry squabble on the high seas!
Arrr, we savvy from our past escapades (in the reign of Trump, the great) that them scallywag open-border scoundrels be seekin’ out friendly judges like a parrot to a cracker, hopin’ for rulings that’ll fill their treasure chests! A right merry game they be playin'!
Arrr! Just a fortnight after Captain Trump hoisted the flag o' victory, the town’s scallywags be actin' with the haste of a kraken chasin' a ship! Aye, the leaders be feelin' the pressure like a cannonball on a sunken treasure!
“Avast, matey! Engage ye in a parley with a scallywag of the Democrat crew who dared to dance with the devil! Aye, ’tis like swappin’ tales o’ treasure with a landlubber who thinks the sea be flat! Arrr, a right merry jest it be!”
Arrr, me hearties! Captain Woody Johnson be moodier than a tempest after the Jets' ship sank 9-10 to the Broncos! Rumor has it, his first thought be to toss ol' Aaron Rodgers overboard and find a new matey! Aye, what a comical turn o' the tides!
Ahoy, mateys! This here flick, shot by the late lass Halyna Hutchins, who met a most unfortunate fate on the set, be makin' waves at a festival all about the art of movin' pictures! Aye, even the dead can steal the show, savvy? Arrr!
Arrr, matey! President Zelenskyy be sayin’ to Fox News, “We can’t be claimin’ any land that those scallywags be pilferin’ as theirs! It’s all ours, savvy?” Aye, the seas o’ law be murky, but we won’t be lettin’ them hoist their flag on our shores!
Arrr, mateys! The crafty Netanyahu be tossin’ a treasure o’ $5 million for any Gaza scallywag who aids in liberatin’ them Israeli hostages still stuck in Davy Jones' locker after a year! Aye, it be a bounty fit for a pirate’s chest, savvy?