The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Captains Corner News

Pirate Image

"Arrr mateys, 'Jeanne du Barry' be a scandalous tale as dull as a dead parrot on a Sunday mornin'!"

Arrr, Maïwenn be the mastermind behind the film, takin' on the role o' leadin' lady alongside Johnny Depp as Louis XV. Though he be professin' his love fer her, their spark be lackin' like a damp powder keg! Aye, they be needin' some more rum in their grog to ignite that fire!

Read more

Arrr, matey! Rodarius Thomas, the gridiron scallywag, be locked up tight, no doubloons for bail after a family fracas!

Arrr, matey! In the foul hours of the morn, the Athens-Clarke County constables snatched up Georgia Bulldogs' fearsome wide receiver, Rodarius Thomas, for a heap o' family ruckus! Seems even the fiercest sea dogs can’t escape the tempest of home, aye! Savvy?

Arrr, the scallywag Isaiah Buggs be sentenced fer treatin' critters worse than a landlubber!

Arrr, matey! The ex-Chief Isaiah Buggs be sentenced to a whole year o’ toil after bein’ found guilty o' mistreatin' poor critters! Aye, the scallywag’s got more time in the brig than a fish in a barrel! Let’s hope he learns to be kinder to his furry mates!

"Arrr, a shot or a splinter tickled Trump’s ear, claims the landlubber F.B.I.! Blimey, what a ruckus!"

Arrr! The tale spun by the bureau's captain be the clearest yet! Earlier, he fancied the old president took a hit from cannonball scraps, causin' a ruckus fit to shatter the seven seas! Aye, a right merry squall it be!

Arrr, the Obamas be ringin' up Kamala after givin' her the ol’ thumbs up! Cameras be rollin’, matey!

Arrr! The ex-captain and his fair lass be hollerin' their support like landlubber folks in a sappy tale, yakkin' to their wee scallywag at a summer shore camp! Aye, ‘tis a right laugh, like treasure 'n tales spun on a stormy night!

"Two scallywag chiefs o’ the Sinaloa crew, includin’ ‘El Mayo,’ now in the clutches o’ the U.S. Navy, arrr!"

Arrr, matey! Ismael Zambada García and Joaquín Guzmán López be the scallywags steering the Sinaloa Cartel ship, the fiercest band o’ rogues sailin’ the treacherous seas o’ crime in Mexico! Aye, they be plunderin' more than just treasure, 'tis a right jolly crew!

"Arrr, Laura! Kamala be tryin' to vanish like a scallywag in a foggy night, savvy?"

Arrr! That scallywag Laura Ingraham be givin' the Vice President Kamala a right good thrashin' fer tryin' to meld with her surroundings like a chameleon on grog! She called her a “lefty landlubber,” but I reckon she be just tryin’ to avoid the spotlight, savvy? Ha!

Avast! Word be out, Doctor Doom be the next scallywag, and the heroes be bowin' like landlubbers! Arrr!

"Ahoy, mateys! ‘One World Under Doom’ be the next grand tale in the Marvel sea! Aye, prepare yer eye patches and grog, for chaos be brewin’ like a stormy night! The world be takin’ a right tumble, and we be laughin’ all the way to Davy Jones’ locker!"

Avast! Spider-Man's fancy duds be unveiled, and blimey! He’s chumming with that scallywag Doctor Doom!

Arrr, matey! The world be needin' a jolly guardian, and lo and behold, it's none other than that web-slingin' scallywag, Spider-Man! With his spindly threads, he be swingin' through the skies, keepin' us safe from the dastardly curses of the seven seas! Avast, let the adventures begin!

Arrr! Iron Man be captaining a fresh crew of West Coast Avengers, aim’n to make Ultron a jolly matey!

Arrr, matey! Ultron be settin' sail wit' the new West Coast Avengers as a swashbucklin' hero! But I be wonderin', will his shiny metal self stick around, or be he’ll be off like a scallywag at the first hint o' trouble? Yarrr, the seas be uncertain!

Arrr, mateys! Marvel's Ultimate Universe be celebratin' a year o' treasure this December with a jolly one-shot! Avast!

Ahoy mateys! "Ultimate Universe: One Year In #1" be settin' sail to capture a grand view o' the fresh Ultimate Marvel realm. Aye, it be like a treasure map fer yer eyeballs, full o' swashbucklin' tales and jolly mischief! Arrr, prepare to be entertained!

Arrr, Snoop Dogg be NBC's jolly jester, speakin' the tongue of the common scallywags, savvy?

Arrr, the network be shiverin' in their boots, so they be hirin' a rapscallion to spice up the Summer Games in Paris, after the Tokyo show sunk lower than Davy Jones' locker! Aye, let's hope his rhymes can hoist the ratings sky-high!

Arrr! Justice be making peace with them old F.B.I. scallywags Trump be tryin' to keelhaul! Har har har!

Arrr, matey! Peter Strzok, a rogue of the F.B.I. crew, and Lisa Page, a landlubber lawyer, be shoutin' foul! They claim the Trump ship breached their privacy, spillin' their scandalous missives to the crows o' the news! A right ruckus on the high seas of politics, I say!

Arrr! The Olympics be catchin' their first landlubber on the juice—an Iraqi scallywag swabbin' steroids! Avast, what a hullabaloo!

Avast, me hearties! Young Sajjad Sehen, a fine judo swashbuckler from Iraq, sailed home early from the Olympics, caught red-handed with a stash o' two naughty potions! Aye, those anabolic steroids be no treasure for the Games! Har har, now he be walkin' the plank of shame!

"Arrr! Soaked by Neptune's tears, Paris be kickin' off its jolly games with a raucous boat shindig on the Seine!"

Arrr, despite scallywags settin' fire to the rail tracks, the grand Parade of Nations sailed on 'neath the twinklin' Eiffel Tower! And there be Celine Dion, wailin' a love ditty fit to make a sea dog weep! Aye, what a ruckus, matey!

Arrr! Harris be tired o' keepin' mum, seekin' her own sea shanty without mutinyin' against Biden. Aye!

Arrr, the second mate be showin' sympathy for them scallywags in Palestine, tryin' to make a name for herself as the captain of her crew. Aye, she be tryin' to steer the ship in a new direction, savvy?

Arrr matey, Kamala Harris be eyein' Mark Kelly fer her second mate on the grand ship of politics! Aye!

Arr matey, this 'ere Arizona sailin' senator be not just any landlubber. 'E be a Navy veteran and a former sky sailor! But what be most impressin' be 'is knowledge of the Southern border, a treasure worth more'n gold doubloons! Arr!

Arrr, ye scallywags! The U.S. be snatchin' up Mexico's biggest drug lord like a prized treasure from the high seas!

Arrr! The capture of Ismael Zambada García, who hath danced around the clutches of the authorities for ages, at a wee airport near El Paso doth seem like a yarn of trickery and treachery! Oh, the sea be full of surprises, me hearties!

Blast me barnacles! The Olympics be turnin' into a proper farce with drag queens mimickin' the Last Supper. 'Tis gone completely woke! Arrr!

Article Image

Arrr, me hearties! The scallywags be squawkin' about a bunch o' blokes dressed to the nines like lasses at a fancy feast! They be callin' it a travesty, but I say, let them have their fun! It be just a bit o' harmless piratin' on land.

Yarrr! US scallywags be blasting Houthi flying contraptions whilst them sea scoundrels be causin' a ruckus!

Arrr mateys, them scurvy U.S. forces be makin' a spectacle in the Middle East! They be smashin' six Iran-backed Houthi drones in Yemen and tusslin' with three unmanned vessels off the coast. Aye, the seas be a wild place indeed!

Arrr! After 5 years and 3 hold-ups, Junji Ito's Uzumaki series has a new teaser and release date - blast me eyes, I be still unprepared!

Arrr mateys, brace yourselves for the Uzumaki anime! 'Tis set to be released just in time for All Hallows' Eve. Grab yer eye patches and prepare to be spooked by the ghostly antics of Naruto and his crew. Aye, 'tis a treat worth waiting for!

Arrr, beware ye scurvy dogs! Boar's Head be recallin' some o' their deli meats due to a deadly listeria outbreak!

Article Image

Arrr mateys, the King's agents be lookin' into whether the scallywags at Boar's Head be slicin' up tainted meat that be sendin' poor souls to Davy Jones' locker with the dreaded listeriosis! Two souls lost, aye, 'tis a serious matter for us landlubbers!

French buccaneers Pérec and Riner be settin' ablaze the cauldron to start the Paris games, aye!

Arr, two French swashbucklers, the swift Marie-José Pérec and the mighty Teddy Riner, didst light the cauldron to kick off the grand Summer Games in Paris. 'Twas a sight to behold, as they brought honor to their homeland with their fiery display!

Arrr, the young scallywag be sentenced for shootin' at the Chiefs' Super Bowl revelry. Walk the plank, lad!

Arrr! Ye scallywag teen who be shootin' at the Kansas City Chiefs' parade has been sent to a youth facility in Missouri. Thar be no room for cannons and pistols on landlubber streets! Let this be a lesson to all ye young sea dogs out there!

Avast ye scallywags! Get yer hints and answers for Saturday, July 27 fer Quordle game #915! Arrr!

Arr matey! In search of Quordle clues? Fear not, me hearties! We be here to assist ye in yer quest. Obtain the answers to the Quordle puzzles of today, as well as the solutions of days gone by. Fair winds and following seas to ye!