The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Captains Corner News

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"Avast, mateys! Behold the treasure trove o' Golden Globes victors: a boisterous scroll o' swashbucklin' glory!"

Avast ye scallywags! Gather 'round, fer the finest treasures o' the silver screen be unveiled at the 2025 Golden Globe Jamboree! Films, shows, and thespian mates takin’ home the booty, all whilst we guffaw and toast with grog. Arrr, what a merry spectacle it be!

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House scallywags set to clash with Senate buccaneers over Trump’s treasure map for tax gold!

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Arrr, me hearties! Five scallywag House Republicans be refusin' to hoist the Senate's budget sails, makin' the Trump treasure map for spendin' and tax cuts a right stormy sea to navigate! Avast, it be a rough patch fer that gold to see the light o' day!

Can Musk Haul Trump Off the Tariff Plank 'Fore He Walks the Plank?

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Arrr, me hearties! Elon Musk be takin' aim at Trump’s treasure taxes, shoutin' it from the crow's nest! Might he be hatchin' a cunning plan, or just blowin' hot air like a leaky sail? Sailin' the seas of politics be a wild ride, aye!

’Facts o' Life’ wench clears the air ‘bout reboot after matey calls her a 'greedy scallywag' who sunk the ship!

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Arrr, matey! "The Facts of Life" be a jolly tale featurin’ the likes of Lisa Whelchel, Kim Fields, Nancy McKeon, Mindy Cohn, an' the grand Charlotte Rae! This treasure trove o’ laughter sailed the seas o' NBC from '79 to '88! Avast, what a hoot!

Arrr! Nearly 150 Landlubber Scholars Be Losin' Their Passports and Might Be Walkin' the Plank Home!

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Ahoy! A whole fleet o' schools, like that fancy Harvard and the University o' California, be sayin’ the Trump crew be cuttin' off visas for their landlubber students! Many a hearty soul be scratchin' their heads, wonderin' why the cap'n be makin' such a ruckus! Arrr!

Jarren Duran, the Red Sox matey, spills his woes: 'I be wishin’ to join Davy Jones, not linger on land!'

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Arrr, a new docuseries be settin' sail on Netflix, tellin' the tale of Jarren Duran, a Red Sox matey! He be spillin' his guts 'bout dark times, claimin' the hecklin' landlubbers from the outfield be stokin' the flames of his despair! Avast, what a tale!

Arrr! 2003's Kirby Air Ride be a treasure lost in time, says the Nintendo captain, with Switch 2 to unveil Sakurai's brilliance!

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Arrr, 'tis been a grand 22 years since that scallywag Kirby Air Ride set sail, earning a measly 61 on the Metacritic seas! Aye, we be wonderin' if it be treasure or just a cursed doubloon, matey!

Midjourney V7 be givin' the image-wizards power, swiftness, and hands that ain't plundered by Davy Jones!

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Arrr, matey! Midjourney's new V7 be a swifter, cleverer, and more tailored beast o' AI art! It's like findin' a treasure map in yer own pocket, savvy? Set sail for creativity, and let the canvas be yer sea!

Trump be all a-jestin’ ’bout a grand parley with Iran this Saturday, right after chattin’ with ol’ Netanyahu!

Arrr, President Trump be callin’ the crew fer a parley with them Iranians this week! He be hopin’ fer a fine bargain to steer clear o’ the cannon fire. “Aye, we be chattin’ with Iran,” he cackled, while hostin’ the Israeli captain, Netanyahu!

Arrr, No Need to Hoard Yer Grog in a Sinking Heart!

Arrr, listen up, mateys! Fresh winds blowin’ in the ol’ sea of wisdom! Turns out, drinkin' like a fish be good for yer thirst and comfort! That ol' wisdom be tossed overboard! Hoist yer tankards high, for the tides be changin’! <i>Medscape Medical News</i> be tellin’ the tale!

Season 2 o' The Last of Us be called a 'brutal storm' and 'heartstrings plunderin' by the scallywags!

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Arrr, mark yer calendars, mateys! The new season be settin sail on HBO come April 13th! Prepare yer grog and settle in fer a wild ride on the high seas of entertainment! Avast, ye don’t wanna miss this treasure!

Netanyahu Swears an Oath to Trump 'Pon the Gold Doubloons o' Tariffs for Israel!

Arrr! Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu be swearin' to sink the trade deficit 'twixt Israel and the land o' the free, after those scallywags in the Trump crew slapped a 17% tax on their bounty! Aye, it's a right treasure hunt fer fairer seas!

Trump be settin' sail fer a high-stakes parley with Iran this Saturday, savvy?

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Arrr, President Trump be callin' the crew to parley with them Iranians 'bout their nuclear treasure this Saturday! But blimey, he’s keepin’ his lips tighter than a ship’s hull, not spillin’ how this talks be differin’ from the ol’ JCPOA map!

Maine be takin' the Trump crew to court fer holdin' yer gold, all 'cause they won’t shoo away trans athletes!

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Arrr, Maine be raisin' a ruckus with a lawsuit against the U.S. Department o' Agriculture! They be all sour 'bout the gold freeze 'cause the feds want 'em to change their sportin' ways. Blimey, can’t a state just play fair without a storm brewin’?

Scientists Be Spoutin’ of Resurrectin’ the Fearsome Dire Wolf, Yarr!

Arrr, matey! Colossal Biosciences be tinkerin' with the very blood of a gray wolf, claimin' to conjure a beast from the depths of time! But I ask ye, does that make it a proper dire wolf or just a furry impostor? Har har har!

Arrr! Manus, th' famed Chinese sorcery of AI be lettin' ye aboard! Sign up, and snag yerself 1,000 doubloons fer free!

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Avast, me hearties! The Manus treasure chest be wide open! Sign yer name now and snag yerself a bounty o' 1,000 shiny credits fer naught! Hoist the sails and claim yer loot, ye scallywags!

Arrr, Noem's Homeland crew be sayin', "We ain't sorry fer usin' truth-telling magic on those scallywag intel blabbermouths!"

Arrr, matey! The landlubbers at Homeland Security be usin' lie detectors on their crew, tryin' to keep their secrets tighter than a clam’s shell! Aye, they be hopin’ to catch any scallywags spillin’ the beans to the land-loving folk! Avast, what a merry jest it be!

Arrr, the landlubber priest in Kansas got himself shot on purpose, says the scallywag prosecutor! What a jolly mess!

Arrr, me hearties! 'Twas a dastardly deed, the good padre Arul Carasala met his end at the hands of a scallywag! The prosecutor be sayin' it were done on purpose, like a pirate settin' sail for treasure. Aye, intentional and with a wicked plan, if ye please!

Arrr, the Trump crew be sinkin' student visas! "No one gets a ticket to our treasure, matey!" Har har!

Arrr, matey! The Homeland Security scallywags be snatching away the travel parchments of our learned buccaneers from Harvard, Michigan, Stanford, and more! Aye, the seas of education be gettin’ stormy, and the classroom crew be walkin’ the plank of bureaucracy! Har har har!

Arrr, matey! The new Star Wars be givin' ye wicked combos fer yer Jedi and Sith to swashbuckle with!

Arrr, me hearties! The freshest treasure chest be spillin' forth a new gem—the 'Force Token' card! Aye, 'tis like findin' rum in a dry cask! Hoist yer sails and prepare for a jolly good time on the high seas of card playin'!

Avast! The 54% tariffs be sinkin' board games, makin' small companies wail, while Wingspan's crew be blind to the storm!

Arrr, matey! It be a mightily cruel tempest brewin' fer the board game realm! Aye, 'tis like a cannonball to the hull—ye best be holdin' onto yer dice and wooden ships, lest they sink to Davy Jones' locker! Har har, let the games begin!

Arrr! Scientists be bringin’ back the fearsome Dire Wolf, or somethin’ close—me hearties be quakin’ in their boots!

Arrr, me hearties! Dire wolves, the legendary scallywags of olde, be kickin' the bucket 'bout 13,000 years past! But lo! Those crafty landlubbers be mixin' gray-wolf pups with ancient blood, bringin’ back the furry rascals! Aye, let’s raise a mug to the return of the dire shenanigans!

Arrr! Trump be beggin' the High Seas Court to keep a wayward sailor from bein' tossed back overboard!

Arrr, the landlubber government be claimin’ Judge Paula Xinis be dabblin’ in “district-court diplomacy,” savin’ a scallywag named Kilmar Armando Abrego Garcia from walkin’ the plank back to the seas by Monday! Aye, what a jolly jest!

Arrr! In the midst o' price mutiny, the Nintendo captain claims Mario Kart be the grandest treasure ye ever did see!

Arrr, matey! Not every treasure chest o' Switch 2 games be weighin' down yer booty to $80! Some be as light as a feather, ready to fill yer sails without sinkin’ yer ship! So chart yer course wisely, lest ye be walkin’ the plank o’ broke!

Arrr! The House be sayin' Trump's ancient law to hunt the Tren de Aragua scallywags be as vital as rum, matey!

Avast ye! A jolly ol’ House Resolution be settin’ sail on Monday, proclaimin’ the Trump crew's use of the Alien Enemies Act to hunt down scallywags suspected of bein’ Tren de Aragua gang members! A fine bit o' pirate law, I say! Arrr!