The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Captains Corner News

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"Avast, mateys! Behold the treasure trove o' Golden Globes victors: a boisterous scroll o' swashbucklin' glory!"

Avast ye scallywags! Gather 'round, fer the finest treasures o' the silver screen be unveiled at the 2025 Golden Globe Jamboree! Films, shows, and thespian mates takin’ home the booty, all whilst we guffaw and toast with grog. Arrr, what a merry spectacle it be!

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Arrr, matey! The sharpest roguelike in all the seas be even finer on PC—me treasure of the year, it be!

Arrr, matey! Behold the grand spectacle of "The Last of Us Part 2: No Return!" A treasure chest o' features so bounteous, it might just be its own vessel! And fear not, the campaign be a jolly good romp as well! Avast, let the gaming begin!

Arrr, world captains be a-scurrying, fer Trump’s heavy tariffs be stirrin’ a ruckus on the high seas ahead!

Arrr, matey! The great captains o' the world be reactin' to Cap'n Trump’s tax plunderin'. Some be brandishin' cutlasses, swearin' counterattacks, while others be hopin' to parley and rid the seas o’ those pesky import taxes. Tis a right jolly squabble, I say!

Arrr! After chattin' with that scallywag Laura Loomer, Trump be tossin' the National Security crew overboard!

Arrr! In a half-hour parley, Ms. Loomer unleashed a tongue-lashing on the scallywags o' the National Security Council, all before the captain o' the ship and that landlubber Waltz, the adviser. Blimey, 'twas a sight to see! The breezes be blowin' hot!

Arrr! A cursed snapshot reveals jolly Obama sailin' SpaceX with that scallywag Elon, the Nazi's pampered bilge rat!

Arrr, before the scallywag Elon Musk sailed into the political storm with his Government Efficiency crew, makin' the Democrats' cannons fire at him, he be stridin' alongside ol' Obama like a matey on the high seas! What a turn o' the tide, me hearties!

Arrr! Trump be scuttlin’ over $125M for gay health treasure, sinkin’ the research ship, savvy?

Arrr, matey! The realm o’ LGBTQ research be sinkin’ like a leaky ship! Academics be seein’ their treasure—270 grants worth a cool $125 million—snatched away by the scallywags at the NIH! Aye, the true bounty lost be even greater! Blimey, what a cruel fate!

"Arrr! As leaves be fallin’, this cookin’ tale brews a riddle fit for a scallywag's feast! Ha-ha!"

Arrr, with her soft eyes and a grin as sweet as a treasure chest o' gold, Hélène Vincent be playin' a dear old French lass! But beware, mateys, for appearances be as shifty as a ship in a storm in this François Ozon tale!

Ahoy! Betty Webb, the grand dame of code crackin’, sailed off at 101, leavin’ us all in stitches!

Arrr, bound by a treasure chest o' secrets 'bout Britain’s grand World War II code-crackin' caper, she be spillin' the beans later on how they outsmarted them scallywag German signals! Aye, a right jolly yarn indeed, fit for a tavern full o' rum-swilling mates!

Arrr! Rachel Maddow be laughin’ at Musk, sayin' the locals gave him the ol' one-finger salute after the GOP's flop!

Arrr, ye landlubbers! Rachel Maddow, that scallywag of MSNBC, be squawkin’ that a liberal swabbin’ takin' the crown in Wisconsin be a grand vote o' no confidence in Cap’n Trump and his trusty first mate, Elon Musk! Aye, ‘tis a right jolly jest!

Arrr, that congressman be takin' a swashbucklin’ swipe at Musk in his quest for the Senate treasure!

Arrr, mateys! Rep. Chris Pappas o' New Hampshire be throwin' his hat into the ring fer the 2026 treasure hunt, seekin' to replace the retired Sen. Jeanne Shaheen! The scallywags from the Republican crew be keen on claimin' that juicy battleground seat! Avast, the race be on!

Avast, matey! The Nintendo Switch 2 be sportin’ Nvidia's magic, givin’ graphics ten times the treasure of its scallywag predecessor!

Arrr, matey! The Switch 2's magical canvas be sportin' G-Sync for a smooth sailin' experience, even in yer hand! Aye, no more choppy seas while ye be plunderin’ treasure in handheld mode! A fine piece of treasure for any scallywag!

Arrr, the Angola rail be spillin’ the beans on Trump’s treasure map for Africa, savvy?

Arrr, matey! That $4 billion treasure hoard be Biden's grand scheme for the wilds of Africa! Rumor has it, the Trump crew be likin' it too, fer the shiny minerals, if naught else! Aye, the seas be shimm'rin' with gold and politics alike!

Arrr, matey! Nintendo be jacking up Switch 2 doubloons ‘cause they reckon ye scallywags will cough it up!

Arrr, matey! What bounty be in our treasure chest? Can we part with a few doubloons, or be we lookin’ to sail the seas on naught but a seaweed sandwich? Speak up, lest we end up with barnacles for dinner!

Arrr, matey! Trump’s tariffs be like a cursed anchor, sinkin' the U.S. battery boom to Davy Jones' locker!

Avast, mateys! Across the vast seas of land, scallywags be pluggin’ in monstrous batteries to hoard the wind 'n' sun’s treasure. But, blow me down, it be gettin’ tougher than a barnacle-encrusted hull! Arrr, the winds of change be blowin’ foul!

Arrr, matey! Dan Da Dan be gettin' a treasure of a flick, the sole map to sneak a peek at season 2!

Ahoy, mateys! Batten down the hatches! The cursed flick, "Evil Eye," be settin' sail for the silver screen this June! Prepare yer hearts for fright and yer bellies for laughter, lest ye be walkin' the plank! Arrr, 'tis gonna be a jolly good time!

Arrr, matey! Aye, millions o' landlubbers be drinkin' cursed water filled with those devilish 'forever potions'! Har har!

Arrr, me hearties! Over 37 million landlubbers be swillin’ foul brew laced with cursed "forever chemicals," outpacing even the federal scallywags' safety rules! A report from ye salty sea of USA Today tells of these no-good substances that stick around like a barnacle on a ship, causin’ all sorts of mischief!

Arrr! Miller Gardner, lad of a Yankee star, met his fate by the devil's breath, say the scallywags!

Arrr, mates! On the day of the Wednes, them officials in Costa Rica did declare that young Miller Gardner, a lad of fourteen summers, met his end not by sword nor cannon, but by the treacherous breath of carbon monoxide! Aye, even the air can be a scallywag!

Arrr, matey! Tuta Mail be takin' the helm of yer iOS ship, if ye dare to rattle Apple’s cage!

Arrr, me hearties! Apple be respondin’ to Tuta’s call, meanin’ that scallywag’s app be joinin’ the crew of default email apps on iOS! Hoist the sails, here be all ye need to know, or ye be walkin’ the plank!

"Arrr, matey! Let’s weigh anchor and chart the truth o’ Trump’s tall tale ‘bout them egg coins! Eggs be pricey, aye!"

Arrr, me hearties! President Trump, with a wink and a swagger, be swattin’ away the scallywags doubtin' his treasure map of tariffs, claimin’ eggs be droppin’ like cannonballs—down 59 percent! "Avail’bility be a bounty," he chuckled, as the crew guffawed at the golden yolks!

Arrr! Stellantis be sendin’ 900 landlubbers to the docks o’ unemployment after the tariff storm hits! Avast, me hearties!

Arrr, mateys! Stellantis be knockin’ 900 shipmates off the payroll, thanks t’ those pesky tariffs from Cap’n Trump! They be halting the makin’ o’ Ram trucks ‘n Jeeps in the colonies ‘n pausing work in Mexico ‘n Canada too! Their treasure’s takin’ a dip o' 7.7%!

Arrr, them Cowboys be swappin’ treasure fer quarterback Joe Milton from the scallywags at the Patriots, aye!

Arrr, matey! The scallywags of the Dallas Cowboys be swappin’ shiny doubloons for the swashbuckler Joe Milton from them New England landlubbers! Aye, he manned the helm for but one battle last season! A jolly ol’ trade, if ye ask me!

Arrr! Google Keep be settin' sail for a grand makeover, with treasures that’ll make it a breeze to navigate!

Arrr, me hearties! Rumor has it, some of that Google Keep magic be gettin' a shiny new coat! Aye, here be the scoop on what treasure we might be findin' in the depths of the digital seas! Keep yer spyglasses ready!

Arrr, Rubio be callin' on NATO to cough up doubloons, laughin' at the ruckus 'bout Trump's shenanigans!

Arrr, Secretary Rubio be spoutin' to me hearties o’ NATO, sayin’ they best be makin’ tough choices! He be callin’ fer a treasure haul of 5% more doubloons for defense, lest them scallywags grow bolder 'n sink their ships! Savvy, ye salty sea dogs?

Arrr, the landlubbers of the US be hostin' the grand Military World Games, aye! First time, me hearties!

Arrr, matey! In the year of our Lord 2027, the fine land of Carolina shall host the grand Military World Games for the first time! Aye, soldiers from all corners o' the globe be settin' sail to Charlotte, ready to duel with swords ‘n’ good cheer! Yarrr!

Arrr! Amazon be givin' Prime mates a better shot at snaggin' them shiny Nvidia and AMD treasure chests!

Arrr, ye scallywag! Cravin’ a treasure of a Nvidia Blackwell or AMD RDNA 4 GPU at a fair price? Hoist the sails and join the Prime crew—ye be havin’ better luck than a parrot in a cracker barrel!