The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Captains Corner News

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"Avast, mateys! Behold the treasure trove o' Golden Globes victors: a boisterous scroll o' swashbucklin' glory!"

Avast ye scallywags! Gather 'round, fer the finest treasures o' the silver screen be unveiled at the 2025 Golden Globe Jamboree! Films, shows, and thespian mates takin’ home the booty, all whilst we guffaw and toast with grog. Arrr, what a merry spectacle it be!

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Arrr! The scallywag's parrot squawks to blast cannonballs into Trump’s noggin, claimin’ it be as hollow as Davy Jones' locker!

Arrr! The scallywags o' Iran be spoutin' threats like cannon fire, all 'cause the Captain o' the States be callin' for 'em to toss their cursed bombs overboard! Aye, they be steamin' mad, lookin' to take a shot at Trump! What a merry hullabaloo on the high seas!

Arrr, matey! Foul landlubbers be bandin’ together, makin’ a ruckus 'gainst the scallywag Trump! Aye, it be a merry hullabaloo!

Arrr, matey! Let me spin ye a yarn! A scallywag be scroungin' fer grub, but finds naught but a barnacle-covered boot! He claims it be a fine treasure, but I tell ye, it smells worse than a sea slug on a sunbaked deck! Avast, what a jest, eh? Har har har!

Arrr! Tron be settin' sail with a fresh tale, unleashin' light cycles upon the land like a merry sea shanty!

Arrr, mateys! Kevin Flynn be spillin' the beans that in this here highly awaited threequel, there be no turnin' back! Once ye set sail, ye be stuck in the briny deep! So hoist yer sails and brace yerselves for a wild voyage, or ye may end up walkin' the plank!

Arrr! A ghostly white deer sighted by a family on the bumpy back roads—‘tis rarer than buried treasure, matey!

Arrr! Two bewitchin', ghostly white deer frolicked on the back roads of Iowa as a scallywag and his crew sailed home from a birthday feast. 'Twas dusk, and they be wonderin' if the beasts be spirits or just the rarest of critters, plunderin' their hearts with laughter!

"Arrr, behold! A scallywag lobbyist, tight with the CCP, be twistin' Trump’s arm to save the sneaky vape trade!"

Arrr, a high-flyin’ vaporin’ scallywag, who sailed with Trump’s crew last year, be linked to the sneaky Chinese Communist fleet! Aye, he tossed a treasure chest o' gold to the Democrats too! Blimey, what a rascally rogue!

Arrr! James Carville be likin’ law firms to scallywags teamin’ up with Trump, like Nazi mates on a treacherous voyage!

Arrr, mateys! James Carville be warnin’ that them law firms and fancy corporations that be buddyin’ up with the Trump scallywags might find themselves likened to Nazi rats! Aye, best be treadin' lightly on this treacherous sea, lest ye be walkin' the plank o’ public scorn! Har har har!

"Alas, the good priest met his doom, takin' a cannonball to the chest 'fore sayin' his evening prayers!"

Arrr, matey! The good Rev. Arul Carasala be spied outside his sacred ship, the parish rectory, in Kansas on Thursday. An Oklahoma scallywag be caught for the mischief, but why he be doin' it, the seas be mum! Har har!

"Arrr! He vowed to scuttle stock trades in Congress, but now he's pillagin' the markets like a scurvy dog!"

Arrr! Representative Rob Bresnahan Jr., swore to keep Congress from plunderin’ the stock seas, yet here he be, hoardin’ treasure like a scallywag! Aye, the freshest matey in the crew be tradin’ stocks more than a parrot squawks! What irony be this, me hearties?

Arrr, a Mississippi soul collector be hidin’ corpses in a treasure chest o’ storage, after losin’ his seafarin’ license!

Avast, me hearties! A grim reaper in Mississippi be in a pickle, charged for stashing the dead like treasure in a storage chest! Aye, the officials be sayin’ he turned the unit into a haunted hoard! Savvy?

Arrr, matey! Russell T Davies be dreamin' of Viola Davis as the Master, callin' her the finest thespian on the seven seas!

Avast ye! Thar be news from the high seas of telly! Captain Russell T Davies be spillin’ the beans ’bout his dream matey, the Oscar-winnin’ Viola Davis, to join the Doctor Who crew! Aye, what a treasure she’d be in this time-tossed adventure! Arrr!

Arrr! Here be a list o’ 381 tomes ye scallywags tossed overboard from the Naval Academy’s treasure trove!

Arrr, matey! It be said that the tome of Maya Angelou, along with tales of the grim Holocaust, be tossed overboard on the orders of the grand Captain Pete Hegseth! A right jolly decision, aye? What’s next, banishing sea shanties? Blimey!

Arrr, Ryan McCormick be sealin' his gob with tape, lest the fury of a stormy sea escape!

Arrr, matey! Ryan McCormick be havin’ a rough voyage on the Korn Ferry seas this year! On Friday, he pulled a trick from Davy Jones’ locker to tame his tempestuous heart whilst swingin’ the clubs. Aye, even pirates need a wee bit o' help to keep their cool!

Arrr, the Duskbloods’ winged rat be a crusty ol’ sea dog, tryin’ to be all Nintendo-like and cute, har har!

Arrr, ‘tis a right laugh, it be! Aye, from the scallywags who wrought the cursed seas of Dark Souls and the ghastly realms of Bloodborne! They be plunderin’ humor like a ship with no anchor—bound to sink ye sides with their jests, matey! Ho ho!

Arrr! Nintendo be spillin' the beans on a secret Donkey Kong scallywag, stirrin' the pot o' Mario lore, ye savvy?

Arrr, me hearties! This be a nod to the days of yore, when Donkey Kong first roamed the pixel seas 43 years past! Aye, 'tis like findin' buried treasure in a bottle of rum—full of nostalgia and a fair bit o' mischief!

Arrr! Netanyahu be settin' sail for Washington to parley with Trump, no treasure map needed, just a hearty handshake!

Arrr, matey! This here Israeli captain be settin' sail to the White House on the morrow to parley with President Trump! It be a fine time fer a jabber 'bout the ruckus in Gaza, as cannons be a-boomin' and treasure maps be drawn! Avast, let the shenanigans begin!

Arrr! That sneaky double-click trick turns yer clicks into a treasure map for account plunderin'! Avast, me hearties!

Arrr, matey! Ye be double-clickin’ like a scallywag, not givin’ it a blink! But beware, for ye might be lettin’ the nefarious sea dogs board yer ship and plunder yer treasures! Keep yer wits about ye, lest ye find yerself in Davy Jones' locker!

"Arrr, Dr. Nicole Saphier be settin' sail on teachin' our wee mateys with them fancy gadgets in their learnin’ havens!"

Arrr, matey! As we be hoistin’ these fancy gadgets into the young scallywags’ learnin’ havens, let’s ponder: be we makin’ 'em smarter, or just turnin’ their brains to barnacles? Aye, ‘tis a fine conundrum for a buccaneer’s thinkin’ cap!

Arrr, matey! The New York Times be spillin' secrets and solutions fer Sunday’s treasure hunt on April 6!

Ahoy, mateys! Seekin' the treasure of NYT Strands clues and hints, are ye? Fear not! Here be the booty ye need to conquer today’s riddle, spangram and all! Hoist yer sails and set course for victory, ye salty sea dog! Arrr!

Arrr! Barack spills the beans 'bout his fair lass Michelle, amidst whispers of a stormy sea o' divorce! Ha!

Arrr, matey! Barack Obama be spillin’ the beans 'bout his union with Michelle! The ol' captain of the White House be chattin’ at Hamilton College, lettin’ slip his heart’s secrets for the first time in ages. Love be a wild sea, eh? Avast, what a jolly tale!

"Captain Kamala vows to hoist her flag high! ‘I ain't sailin' off into the sunset, mateys!’"

Arrr, mateys! Though the winds be blowin' poorly for her 2024 quest fer the crown, former Vice Captain Kamala Harris be sayin' ye scallywags haven't seen the last of her! "We must patch our sails before settin' sail again! I ain't leavin' this ship!" she squawked, still full of fire!

Arrr, the landlubbers in the military be suddenly switchin' course, after decades chasin' the wind o' climate change!

Arrr, matey! Every other frost, the scallywags of the U.S. Navy and their mateys be gatherin’ in the icy north for a grand shindig, frettin’ over borders and peace. Meanwhile, back at Annapolis, they built a mighty wall o’ gold to keep the pesky waters at bay! Avast!

Arrr! Melania be delayin' her jolly White House shindig, thanks to the scallywags protestin' that Musk scoundrel!

Arrr, mateys! The fair First Lady Melania be sayin’ the spring garden tours be pushed back a day, lest ye be trippin’ over protestin’ scallywags on the National Mall! Aye, it be for the safety of all ye landlubbers nearby!

Arrr! Young Patrick nearly tossed the pigskin overboard in high school, says his mum! What a scallywag, eh?

Arrr, me hearties! Randi Mahomes, the fierce matriarch, be tellin' how her lad, young Patrick, nearly tossed his pigskin dreams overboard in high school! But fear not, for she grabbed him by the ear and said, "Nay, matey! Ye be playin' football!” And thus, the legend sailed forth!

Arrr, matey! Rep. Libby’s hullabaloo ‘bout a trans matey’s post be settin' sail for the federal court seas!

Arrr, me hearties! The first parley o' Laurel Libby's squabble 'gainst her scurvy censure set sail in Rhode Island on the Friday past, 'neath the watchful eye o' a judge plucked from the crew o' Biden himself! A fine jolly mess, indeed!