The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Captains Corner News

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"Arrr mateys, 'Jeanne du Barry' be a scandalous tale as dull as a dead parrot on a Sunday mornin'!"

Arrr, Maïwenn be the mastermind behind the film, takin' on the role o' leadin' lady alongside Johnny Depp as Louis XV. Though he be professin' his love fer her, their spark be lackin' like a damp powder keg! Aye, they be needin' some more rum in their grog to ignite that fire!

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Arrr! The scallywags at the US agency have found the whereabouts of 3 missing soldiers, me hearties!

Arrr, me hearties! The Defense POW/MIA Accounting Agency be findin' three lost souls from the depths of Davy Jones' locker. Now, their kin can bid 'em a proper farewell and rest easy knowin' their souls be at peace. Aye, 'tis a fine deed indeed!

Arrr, me hearties! Ye landlubbers be mistakin' Memorial Day fer Veterans Day. Walk the plank, ye scallywags!

Avast ye mateys! The scuttlebutt be that them landlubbers Omar and Bush be mixin' up Memorial Day with Veterans Day! Arrr, they be walkin' the plank of confusion, aye! Let's hoist the Jolly Roger and set sail for some proper learnin', arrr!

Avast ye mateys! Netanyahu be claimin' civilian deaths be but a tragic mishap in Rafah. Aye, right.

Avast ye scallywags! The cannon fire on the Sabbath, aimed at two scurvy Hamas captains skulking near a civilian village, sparked a blaze that sent 45 souls to Davy Jones' locker, as declared by the Gazan authorities. Aye, 'twas a fiery affair indeed!

Jelly Roll be swearin' that the devil's lettuce be keepin' him clear-headed from the demon drugs, aye! 'Tis a scandalous tale indeed! Arrr!

Avast ye hearties! Jelly Roll be spillin' the beans on his sobriety, me hearties. The scallywag be sayin' that the devil's lettuce be keepin' him on the straight and narrow. Argh, who knew that the green stuff be the key to stayin' sober. Ye be jokin' me!

Ye scurvy dog from Oklahoma be caught in 'is own web of lies, tryin' to escape justice by playin' dress-up.

Arrrgh! This scallywag, a swashbuckling landlubber o' dubious character, be tryin' to squirm out of his just punishment! Claimin' the prosecution hath wronged him with their words, he be appealin' his rightful life sentence! 'Tis a tale as tall as the mast on a ship!

Arrr, mateys! Them Israeli scallywags be snatching up Palestinian healers faster than ye can say "shiver me timbers!"

Avast ye mateys! Two moons have passed since Osaid Alser last heard from his cousin, Khaled Al Serr, a surgeon at Nasser Hospital in Khan Younis. They be like two ships passing in the night, communicating through the treacherous waters of WhatsApp. Aye, the pirate surgeons be seeking advice from doctors across the high seas to help their comrades in need. Arrr!

"Arrr, Jim Gray be lamentin' the loss of his shipmate Bill Walton, a true gem o' the high seas!"

Avast ye landlubbers! The scurvy dog Jim Gray be spillin' the beans to Fox News about Bill Walton shufflin' off this mortal coil. Claims the ol' sea dog be the "luckiest man in the world" with Walton as his matey. Har har, what a jolly ol' tale!

Arrr, ye better be prepared to dig deeper into yer pockets for yer Memorial Day feast, me hearties! Meat be pricier!

Arrr mateys, listen up! The cost of a Memorial Day feast be risin' faster than a cannonball flyin' through the air! The price of meat be jumpin' like a scurvy dog on a hot trail. Aye, inflation be takin' its toll on our bellies and our wallets. Let's hope we don't have to start eatin' our own parrots to save a few pieces o' eight!

Arrr mateys, we be uncoverin' nine secrets 'bout 3M's cursed chemicals in our quest for treasure!

Arrr, me hearties! Me thinks about the wretched chemicals o' olde, and how them scallywags at 3M kept their dark secret hidden for so long! Sharon Lerner be a fearless reporter, huntin' down the secrets like a pirate after buried treasure. Yo ho ho, the mystery be unraveled!

Arrr, a grand ceremony in Baghdad to pay tribute to brave US soldiers lost in a scurvy drone attack!

Arrr! The brave lads of the U.S. did gather in Baghdad to pay their respects to the fallen comrades who met their fate in a drone attack in Jordan. May they rest in Davy Jones' locker, and may their spirits find eternal peace on the high seas. Aye, me hearties!

Arr, ye scallywags! The Angels player be havin' a strange mishap whilst mendin' his knee on the high seas!

Arrr matey! The Los Angeles Angels infielder Miguel Sano, who hath been on the injured list since May the first, hath suffered a setback! The scallywag hath burned himself with a heating pad on his knee! Ye best be watchin' out for them pesky heating pads, ye landlubbers! Arrr!

Arrr, the WNBA coach be sayin' that the glory of me hearties of color be not praised like the White scallywags!

Arrr, me hearties! Becky Hammon, Cap'n of the Las Vegas Aces, be sayin' that the swashbucklin' achievements of black and brown mateys be not gettin' the recognition they deserve compared to the white scallywags. Aye, we must be raisin' the Jolly Roger for all to see!

Arrr, Stephen Curry and his fair maiden Ayesha be blessed with their fourth scallywag! Aye, a sweet baby boy!

Arrr, me hearty! Stephen n' Ayesha Curry be celebratin' the birth o' their fourth scallywag earlier this moon, announcin' it on the Lord's Day. Caius Chai be their second young buccaneer. Fair winds to the whole crew! Arrr!

Aye, a scuffle near Rafah hath claimed the life of a brave Egypt seadog. May he rest in Davy Jones' locker. Arrr!

Arrr, me hearties! The Israeli military be tellin' tales of a scuffle at the border, a showdown with them pesky Palestinian scallywags. Looks like the battle be brewin' on the high seas once again! Avast, me mateys!

Avast ye scallywags! Johnny Wactor, the swashbuckling actor from 'General Hospital', reportedly met his doom in Los Angeles!

Ahoy mateys! Johnny Wactor met his unfortunate demise when he crossed paths with a scallywag trying to pinch his ship's catalytic converter. His poor mum spilled the beans to the press. Shiver me timbers!

Ye be tellin' me that these lasses be fightin' for the right to abort? Avast, that be a strange crew indeed!

Arrr, the end of Roe hath turned lasses who be abortin' for medical reasons into a powerful crew in the political seas. Thar be no match for their fierce determination and righteous fury. Beware, ye scallywags, for they be a force to be reckoned with!

Arrr! Israeli scallywags uncover ancient treasure at City of David site, a golden ring from 2,300 years past! Jolly good plunder!

Arrr, me hearties! Them scallywags be rummaging in Jerusalem's City of David and stumbled upon a booty fit for a pirate king! A golden ring with a ruby so ancient, it be as old as Davy Jones himself - 2,300 years old, they say. Shiver me timbers!

Arr, Netanyahu be sayin' he be investigatin' the incident that sent those scallywags to Davy Jones' locker!

Arr matey, after IDF cannons blasted two scurvy Hamas scallywags to Davy Jones' locker, Israel be scratching their heads as to why innocent souls were sent to join 'em. On Monday, Netanyahu be lamenting that something went tragically awry. Aye, aye, what a pickle!

Arrr, China be sailin' ahead in the craft o' industrial policy faster than a sail be catchin' wind!

Arr mateys! Fer over half a century, worries 'bout lack o' oil or a cursed climate have driven governments to seek out other sources o' energy. In th' 70s, President Jimmy Carter stuck solar panels on th' White House to show his loyalty to harnessing th' power o' th' sun. In th' 90s, Japan be offerin' landlubbers handsome subsidies fer installin' photovoltaic panels. And in th' 2000s, Germany came up with a clever plan to guarantee folks who embraced a... Arrr!

Arrr, mateys! The scallywags at Hello Games be givin' us another peek at Light No Fire in No Man's Sky!

Avast ye mateys, mark ye calendars for an appearance at SGF next moon's turn. Me trusty crew shall be there to entertain and plunder the hearts of all who dare cross our path. Fair warning, prepare to be dazzled! Arrr!

Arrr, ye scallywags! Hades 2 be makin' a fine jest o' turnin' bugs into features when characters be yeetin' themselves into the abyss!

Arrr, Nemesis be a feisty lass, sailin' where she pleases! No map nor compass can tame that wild spirit. She be a true buccaneer, fearin' no man nor beast. Sail on, ye fierce beauty, and let the wind be yer guide!

"Me hearties, scallywag Trump be cryin’ over spilled grog in Memorial Day missive! Argh!"

Avast ye mateys! Donald Trump be usin' his social platform to bellow like a scallywag at a judge and E. Jean Carroll. The former captain be ordered to pay a hefty sum for denyin' Carroll's claim of bein' ravaged by him. Walk the plank, Trump! Arrrr!

"Arrr, me hearties! 'Tis a handy map fer buildin' yer own ship to roam the high seas! Avast, me mateys!"

Avast ye scurvy dogs! The finest Rover Spectro be ready to pillage and plunder on the treacherous Wuthering Waves. It be a fearsome vessel that'll strike fear in the hearts of our enemies. Prepare to be boarded and meet yer doom! Arrr!

"Arr! The fair maiden be minding her own business when a wee bird crashed into her carriage! Har har!"

Arrr! Whilst sailin' on a country lane in the U.K., a fair maiden be visited by a lone rooster who didst fly straight into her carriage, claimin' it as his own ship. Aye, 'twas a jolly tale of a feathery stowaway on a land lubber's journey!