The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Captains Corner News

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"Avast, mateys! Behold the treasure trove o' Golden Globes victors: a boisterous scroll o' swashbucklin' glory!"

Avast ye scallywags! Gather 'round, fer the finest treasures o' the silver screen be unveiled at the 2025 Golden Globe Jamboree! Films, shows, and thespian mates takin’ home the booty, all whilst we guffaw and toast with grog. Arrr, what a merry spectacle it be!

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"Ahoy! Vance be raisin' the Jolly Roger for far-right scallywags in his talk to the Euro crew! Arrr!"

Arrr, matey! Vice Captain JD Vance gave Europe a right tongue-lashing fer forgettin' their democratic compass, yet said naught 'bout Captain Trump's parley with the Russians to quell the Ukraine squabble. Soon after, he had a chinwag with President Zelensky, that brave landlubber!

“Blimey! A lad got gobbled up by a whale in Chile, but fear not, he’s back to tell the tale!”

Arrr, whilst paddlin' the treacherous Strait of Magellan, our matey Adrián Simancas found himself in the gaping maw of a humpback! “Blimey!” he bellowed, “I’ve been snatched like a fish ‘n eaten whole!” Aye, that be a whale of a tale, savvy?

Arrr! Isabella Rossellini be a scene-thief in "Conclave," n' now she's tryin' fer a shiny Oscar, savvy?

Arrr, in the grand tale of “Conclave,” she be snatchin’ the spotlight at the ripe age of 72, leavin’ the audience tearin’ up! But nay, matey, she be not just a figure on the screen; she’s stitched a life as rich as a treasure chest!

Arrr, Blake and Justin be settin' sail for court, refusin' the peace pipe! No settle in sight, matey!

Arrr! Blake Lively and that dapper scallywag Justin Baldoni be seekin' a pass from the courtroom squabble! On Thursday, a wise federal judge be grantin' their wish, lettin' 'em sail free from the mediation storm. Avast, let the merry ship of peace set sail!

Arrr, matey! The mighty Batman be givin’ a scallywag villain the chance to shine like gold doubloons, ho ho!

Avast ye! 'Tis me thinkin' that the Absolute Batman be makin' Black Mask a right proper A-List scallywag! A villain so grand, he’d steal yer treasure and charm yer parrot! Yarr, the seas of Gotham be gettin’ rowdy with such ruckus!

Arrr, the fair lass Barbie Hsu, star of 'Meteor Garden,' has sailed to Davy Jones' locker at 48!

Arrr, matey! That lass, she sailed the waves of teen drama, shootin' straight to fame like a cannonball! Aye, she be hostin' the telly and struttin' her stuff on the silver screen too. A true pop idol, she be! Avast, what a treasure she turned out to be!

"11 Jolly tips fer scallywags venturin' through the Living Lands, or ye be swimmin' with the fishies!"

Arrr, matey! Here be the Avowed tips we be wishin' we’d known 'fore settin' sail on our grand, godly adventure! Aye, heed our jests lest ye end up in Davy Jones' locker with naught but fishy wisdom!

Arrr, NYC scallywags be overjoyed with Homan's arrival, vowin' to aid the border captain against the pesky progressive pirates!

Arrr! Captain Tom Homan, handpicked by the scallywag Trump to guard the treasure-filled borders, parleyed with the fine folk of the NYC Council’s Common Sense Crew, including the swashbucklin’ Bob Holden. A right merry gathering, no doubt, to chart the course for landlubber safety!

Arrr! The 2025 Beastie Book be givin' D&D 4E a grand makeover—like a scallywag findin' treasure!

Arrr, me hearties! The freshest tome o' D&D be bringin' back some scallywag notions from a version that walked the plank! But fear not, for that be a jolly good thing, indeed! Let’s hoist the sails and roll the dice for treasure anew! Yarrr!

Arrr! After a rough sail, the Hyper Light Breaker crew be sayin' bad squawkers be gold, fer ye can't buy such keen eyes!

Arrr, matey! When ye be givin' a tongue-lashin', make it a hearty feast for the mind, not a barrel o' cannonballs! Remember, it be “constructive” ye should be shoutin’, or ye’ll find yerself walkin’ the plank ‘ere the sun sets!

"Arrr! The scallywag behind the Munich rumble be spoutin' Islamist notions, says the judge o' the law!"

Arrr! The scallywag blamed fer bashin' over 30 landlubbers with his ship o' metal in Munich be said to be fueled by some wild Islamic fire, claim the lawmen. A right troublesome buccaneer he be, indeed!

"Arrr! EMA be settin' sail to ponder Finasteride and its dark thoughts, savvy? Aye, what a jolly mess!"

Arrr, matey! The European Medicines Agency be settin' course to inspect potions with finasteride and dutasteride, after hearin' tales of scallywags ponderin' the depths o' despair! Aye, watch yer sails or ye might end up in Davy Jones' locker!

"Ahoy, mateys! Texas County be raisin' the alarm 'gainst the foul brew o' toxic fertilizer, arr!"

Arrr, matey! Johnson County be beggin' for a lifeline from the federal seas, claimin’ their precious fields be cursed with “forever potions” from that foul witchcraft known as sewage sludge! Aye, they be needin’ a remedy before their crops turn into barnacle-covered treasure!

Arrr! Matthew Tkachuk be sayin', "Boo yer own anthem, ye scallywags! Aye, we be takin’ the prize!"

Arrr, mateys! Matthew Tkachuk, the gallant star of Team USA, be settin' sail with a frown, claimin' it be a right shame that the Canadian scallywags be booin’ during the grand ol’ "Star-Spangled Banner." Aye, let’s hoist the flag and drown out the blimey ruckus!

Arrr, the Left be celebratin' their USAID treasure, and who be the scallywag Trump stealin' the glory? Har har!

Arrr, last week, with a swashbucklin' scribble, Captain Trump and the shipmate Musk did conjure a pause for the grand ol' USAID, a deed the Left be dreamin' of since Davy Jones was a lad! But lo, instead o' cheer, the Democrats be battlin' for their precious treasure! Har har!

Arrr, the Trump crew be swayin’ the Pentagon newsies to sail the right seas! Avast, me hearties!

Arrr, matey! With the new Trump ship at the helm, the media seas be shiftin’! Once filled with landlubber libs, the press room now opens its gates to scallywags like podcasters and influencers. Aye, ’tis a mighty fine crew of non-traditional swabs, seekin’ the White House loot!

Arrr, Hamas be lettin’ loose another Yank on Saturday! A right jolly pirate trade, I’d say!

Arrr, matey! Beware the AI wench on Valentine’s, for ye be payin’ a treasure ’gainst yer wildest dreams!

Arrr, matey! Surfshark be sayin’ that four out o’ five jolly apps on the Apple treasure chest be snoopin’ on yer booty for gold! So, hoist yer sails and keep yer secrets safe, or ye be walkin’ the plank of privacy!

Arrr! Whispers say Nvidia's shiny treasure of RTX 5000 laptops be delayed—what be this folly for us landlubber PC gamers?

Arrr, me hearties! Rumor has it that Nvidia be dallyin' with the RTX 5000 ship launch, strayin' 'cause their fancy AI treasure be takin' the helm! The gaming GPUs be flounderin' like a fish outta water! Avast, what a jolly mess!

"Arrr, matey! Five fantastical flicks o' science ye be needin' to feast yer eyes on now!"

Arrr, matey! This month’s treasure trove be filled with lusty hearts, flashy moving pictures that’d make a sailor swoon, and oddball caves where even the bravest of buccaneers dare not tread! Hoist the jolly roger and dive into this bounty of mirth!

Arrr, Biden be fundin' scallywags, Trump’s order be the final cannonball, and Fox News be spoutin' more tall tales!

Avast ye! Feast yer eyes upon the freshest tales from Fox News Opinion, and set sail on the waves of mirth with videos from that scallywag Sean Hannity, the dandy Raymond Arroyo, and a crew of jolly knaves! Don’t miss the treasure, matey! Arrr!

"Arrr! MHRA be swappin' tales on Valproate for the laddy sailors—avast, ye be needin' caution, matey!"

Arrr, matey! The scallywags at MHRA be lettin’ blokes off the hook, no more double-checkin’ fer sodium valproate! Them landlubbers can now sail smooth seas with their meds! Aye, the tide be turnin’! <i>Medscape News UK</i> be spillin’ the beans!

Arrr! TikTok be hoistin' its sails back to Apple and Google’s treasure troves, savvy?

Arrr, me hearties! TikTok be back in the treasure troves of Apple and Google! It was cast overboard on the 18th of January, right after the scallywags paused the fun in the U.S. ‘cause of some pesky laws. Avast, let the scrollin’ and dancin’ commence!

Arrr! TikTok be sailin' back to the app seas of Apple and Google, matey! Avast, let the short clips flow!

Arrr, mateys! Apple and Google be raisin’ the Jolly Roger on TikTok once more in their app troves! After givin' the boot for a new law, they be lettin' the Chinese treasure back in, just in time for some swashbucklin' silliness on the high seas of the internet!