Ahoy mateys! Johnny Depp be donning his swashbucklin’ garb once more! And this fierce father, through tempest and rubble, trekked near 30 leagues to escort his lass to the altar! Can ye prove yer noggin be sharp? Give it a go, ye scallywags! 🏴☠️
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Arrr, matey! It seems the scallywags o' the U.S. be findin' their brains a wee bit scattered! Some 15.5 million landlubbers be diagnosed with ADHD in 2023, says the wise folk at the CDC. Even the ship’s therapist be sharin' their thoughts on the matter, savvy?
Arrr! A scallywag be leavin' a poor soul, shot and bleedin', at a fancy Philadelphia dock of healing. But lo! He plowed his mighty Jeep into the lad and three wenches of the nurse crew, then made off faster than a rum-soaked thief! Avast, what a tale!
Arrr, during a gathering in the land o' Penn, ol' Sen. JD Vance be callin' out Vice Admiral Kamala Harris for lettin' our brave sea dogs, the homeless veterans, drift like a ship without a rudder under the Biden flag! Blimey, where be the rum for these lads?
Arrr, matey! In the first half o’ the battle against them scallywags from USC, Penn State found themselves in Davy Jones' locker! So, they cracked open the last page o’ their treasure map and be playin’ a jolly game o’ “flag football” with the Trojans! Har har har!
Arrr, whilst gabbin' at a bastion o' battlewagons in Johnstown, the scallywag Senator JD Vance from Ohio be likin' to swab the deck o' reality, turnin' a blind eye to Trump bein' down for the count in the 2020 rumble! Avast, me hearty, denial be a fine ship to sail!
Arrr! Though the Crimson Tide be a mighty juggernaut, they found themselves clingin' to victory by a mere hair ‘gainst the goodly crew of Carolina! Aye, they needed every tick of the clock to snatch triumph from the jaws of defeat, like a scallywag chasin’ a slippery gold doubloon!
Arrr, just a day after the Dodgers' scallywags were bested 10-2 by the Padres, Captain Dave Roberts be shoutin' at Manny Machado for hurlin' a cannonball his way with a wee bit o' malice! Aye, all part o' some sneaky sea dog scheme, I reckon!
Avast ye mateys! Herschel Walker, the gridiron legend, be takin' aim at that scallywag Obama! He be hollerin' at Black lads for not hoistin' the sails for Vice President Harris. A right ruckus on the high seas of politics, I say! Yarr, what a comical squall!
Arrr, mateys! On the morrow, the cap'n o' the land be settin’ sail to visit towns battered by the stormy beast, Hurricane Milton! With a mighty declaration, treasure shall flow to mend what’s been scuttled! Hoist the sails and guard yer doubloons!
Arrr, me hearties! Captain Salmond be steerin' the Scottish National Ship not once, but twice, transformin' it from a wee dinghy to a mighty galleon in the stormy seas of British politics! A true swashbuckler of the ballot, he be!
Avast, me hearties! The Boo Buckets be sailin' back to McDonald's shores, but shiver me timbers! Without a lid and sportin' dreary designs, the crew be grumblin' like a scallywag with a toothache! Aye, where be the flair of yore? A treasure lost, I say!
Arrr, matey! Filmmaker Michael Moore be callin' on Captain Biden to hoist his sails and chart a course fer a grand bucket o' policies 'fore he be settin' sail into the sunset! Time be a-wastin', so let the cannon fire and make it a jolly good show!
Arrr, matey! Captain Kraft of the New England ship be sayin' if the tales ‘bout young Jabrill be true, he’ll be tossed overboard faster than a parrot with a bad squawk! Aye, no room for scallywags on this crew!
Arrr! A jest 'bout doubloons led the old sea dog, Coach Sam Mitchell, to spill the beans on matey Chris Miles! On the grand stage of the tube, he blurted out where Chris lays his head! Avast, what a scallywag move, lettin’ all know where treasure be hid!
Arrr, matey! Canada be like a treasure chest, open to all who seek its bounty! But ye see, the scallywags be grumblin’ and rumblin’, so they be changin' the locks on the loot! Aye, the winds of change be blowin’!
Arrr, the scallywag Trump be puffin' up his treasure chest o' economic deeds from his four-year voyage! Meanwhile, that crafty Harris be not captaining the ship, yet Biden’s loot be spillin' from her hold. The crew be sayin’ Trump’s got the better booty, much to Biden's mateys' chagrin!
Arrr, matey! Deni Avdija o’ the Portland Trail Blazers be missin’ the preseason shindig this Friday night! He be honorin’ Yom Kippur, just after the anniversary o’ that fateful Oct. 7! Aye, even pirates need their holy days, savvy?
Avast, me hearties! Them scallywags o’ Steam be singin’ praises ‘bout the Halls of Torment, claimin’ it be shinier than a mermaid’s tiara! Aye, if ye seek treasure in the gaming seas, this be the chest ye be wantin’ to plunder! Arrr!
Arrr, me hearties! Trump’s crew be seekin’ warships for his grand voyage, beggin’ for sky bans over his treasure haunts, and armor glass stashed in seven battlegrounds. They even be wantin’ a fleet o’ land lubber transports! A fine jolly jaunt fer a swashbucklin' captain, indeed!
Arrr, matey! Sean "Diddy" Combs be chums with the notorious Mike Tyson, aye! But alas, this rapscallion be locked up tighter than a treasure chest, caught in a storm of federal mischief and wicked dealings since September. Aye, the sea be unforgiving!
Arrr, matey! It be rumored that Iran be scheming to send ol' Trump and his crew to Davy Jones’ locker, all in a huff over that drone strike that sent Soleimani to the briny deep! Aye, their plots be more tangled than a ship’s anchor in a storm!
Arrr, matey! Vice President Kamala be sailin' smooth on the seas of Black voters, reelin' 'em back to her crew since she took the helm from Captain Biden. But beware! A mighty gap in support still lurks like a scallywag in the shadows!
Arrr, matey! The Israel sea dogs be unleashin’ a mighty tempest o’ cannon fire upon them scallywags of Hamas and their foul mates! They be callin’ for the landlubbers to skedaddle, whilst settin’ their sights on the shores of Lebanon, too! A right ruckus, it be!
Arrr, matey! Dead Cells be a famed treasure of roguelikes, a true gem o’ the sea! So, Windblown best hoist its sails high, lest it be swallowed by Davy Jones’ locker o’ disappointments, savvy? Aye, let the swashbucklin' begin!